AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Finallygot tired of screwing groupies and decided you want to be a professional again?” he asks.
Myjaw tightens. “Ihaven’t been screwing anyone.”
“Notfor lack of trying.”
Istep forward. “Theonly reasonItook those girls back with me was because you were there, andIwas pissed at you.Iwasn’t going to fuck either of them.Youknow that.Becauseyou know me.AndIwouldn’t do that toShae, not whenI’mstill in love with her.”
Istare him down until he gives me a jerky nod.Buteverything else about him is as tense as before.He’snot giving me an inch.
Idon’t deserve it.
Steppingback,Irun my hands through my hair. “Iowe you a huge fucking apology.”
“Youthink?”
Iglare at him but don’t rise to the bait. “Ishould never have hidden what was going on betweenShaeand me.You’remy best friend and my cousin, and you deserve more than manipulation and lies.Inever should have convincedShaeto lie to you either.”
Heopens his mouth, butIhold my hand up.Ineed to get this out. “AndIshould never have told you to keep how you felt aboutShaein high school to yourself.Itwas a fucking selfish thing to do.Ifyou were in love with her,Ihad no right to get in your way.”
Histightly crossed arms loosen and drop to his side, and he studies me. “Sowhy did you?”
Ipuff out my cheeks and blow out a long breath. “BecauseI’djust started to feel likeIbelonged.LikeIwas a permanent part of something for the first time in my life.ButallIcould see was the two of you going off together and leaving me behind.”
Hishard countenance softens slightly. “Thatwouldn’t have happened.Wewould never have stopped hanging out with you.”
Ilet out a breath. “Maybe.Butthat was only a part of it.”Istare at the ground for a moment, then square my shoulders and look him in the eye.Hedeserves the truth.Shaedeserves the truth. “Idid it becauseIwas in love with her.Fuckingcrazy in love.”
Beau’seyebrows shoot up, butIkeep going.
“IthinkIfell in love with her the minute she smiled at me that first day.Andthe thought of having to watch the two of you together killed me.Beingwith her, even right at the start, felt like being home.AndI…”Mythroat works hard on a swallow. “Iwas too fucking selfish to lose that.SoImade up a bunch of shit to convince you not to tell her how you felt.Iscrewed you both over.AndI’vebeen living with the guilt of that ever since.”
“Shit,”Beaumutters.
“Yeah.Itwas fucked.Itold myselfIwas okay with not having her as long asIdidn’t have to stand by and witness the two of you falling in love.Butthen she came here, and all that suppressed emotion came out, andIjust couldn’t stop.ButIwas sure the minute you both realized the feelings you had in high school were mutual—”
“Mutual?”Hecuts me off, brows high.
Ishake my head. “ThefeelingsIthoughtwere mutual.”
Hecrosses his arms again and gives me a curt nod to continue.
“Ithought once you both found out the truth, then that would be it.I’dlose her, andI’dlose you.SoIwas a fucking coward and hid it.AndIruined everything anyway.Ihurt you, andIhurtShae.Andwhat’s worse,Imade her feel worthless.LikeIdidn’t care enough to fight for her.Andthat’s not fucking good enough.SonowI’mhere.Totell youI’msorry for whatIdid.ThatIlove you, andIwill never stop appreciating the way you took me in and made me your friend.”
Iswallow and make sureIlook him in the eye, jaw set. “Andto tell you thatIwon’t let her go.I’mgoing to fight to get her back.Iwon’t hide howIfeel anymore.Iknow you’re in love with her too, andI’msorry if it hurts you, butIcan’t lose her.She’smy home and she always will be.Ihope, in time, you can forgive me, but if not, and you need me to leave the band,I—”
“Fuck,Devon,”Beaucuts me off, throwing his hands up in the air. “I’mnot in love with her.Notnow anyway.”
Istare at him. “Thenwhy the fuck have you been so pissed?”
“Imay not be in love with her, butIsure as hell felt something more than friendship back then.Couldit have been more?FuckifIknow.Butyou took away my opportunity to find out.Andmaybe in the back of my mind, there’s always been thatwhat if.”Heglances away. “Iguess that question has been answered now.”
Ican’t tell from his expression if he’s sad or relieved about that.
“Butit’s not just that.Itrusted you, both of you, and you lied to me.Rightto my face.Snuckaround and treated me like an asshole because, for some reason, you didn’t believeI’dhave your back.Ifucking hate being lied to.Youknow that, but you did it anyway.”
Ido know that.Andhe’s right.Thatdidn’t stop me from doing it anyway.
“Ithought our relationship was stronger than that,” he continues. “Itpissed me off to realizeIwas wrong.”
