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“I speak from experience, little one. Be honest. Tell Zin how you truly feel. Do not make the mistakes I have. Do not lose this chance for love.”
When she asked if I meant mistakes with Rosa, I shook my head. However, I wasn’t prepared to talk to Jada, or anyone else, about Jaicon. It wasn’t until this very moment that I realized how deeply the loss of her in my life had affected me.
My days became a never-endingcycle of worry about Berta, Jada, Jaicon, and even Cariño, who Tex said had had a setback in her recovery.
Sadly, I continued to avoid the meditation center in particular. It had always been a place of solace for me, and since the night I came upon Jaicon there, sobbing, I’d been filled with guilt about not comforting her.
A week to the day since the last time she and I spoke, I’d just entered the barn to let Jada know the vet was here to check on Berta when Jaicon walked in.
After she said hello to Jada, I asked if I could speak with her privately.
We walked out of the barn, and I led her over to the corral. As it so happened, Tex was there with Cariño.
“She’s doing so well. You should be very proud of the work you do here.”
“Jacy, I want you to know how sorry I am about the other day. I promised we’d talk, and then—”
“Please do not apologize. I understand Jada is your first priority.”
I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sun. Was that the way she saw it? Was that the way it was? I opened my eyes and looked into hers. “Jada is one priority, not necessarily my first.”
“She needs you. I think I understand better than anyone.”
“What makes you say it in that way?” I asked.
“When my husband died, the accident…Merrigan was there for me. She comforted me, helped me deal with the pain in ways my parents couldn’t, even though they really wanted to.”
“I miss you, Jaicon. I miss the time we spent together so much. When you had to cancel dinner—”
Jacy sighed. “I told you I was sorry, Tryst, but I had to go to California. I’m here to do a job. Not…”
“Not what?” I asked.
“Not get involved.”
“I wish I knew what happened between us. I wish I understood where I went wrong.”
She folded her arms. “You didn’t. Things went the way they were supposed to. While we may have both believed we wanted something romantic to develop, you have to admit that neither of us is truly ready for that. Thankfully, it ended before it began, saving us both the inevitable heartache.”
I thought back to the day she said we were both to “blame” for the kiss we’d shared. Today’s words hurt just as bad as that had. “I’m sorry—”
“Tryst, don’t. There’s nothing to be sorry for. We’re work colleagues and friends. At least, I hope we are.”
“We are. You are very special to me, Jaicon.”
“As you are to me.” She looked at her watch. “I need to go. I came to tell you my help is needed in the UK and I may be gone for an extended period of time.”
I raised a brow. “The UK?”
“The mandate of the K19 team I command is to provide support for international missions,” she said, as if that somehow explained why she’d be gone a lengthy amount of time.
“What about the investigation into the deaths of the men tied to Manual Varilla?”
“There are no leads presently. If that changes, I’ll return. Goodbye, Tryst.”
I watched her walk away until she was out of my line of sight. Waiting, hoping, praying she’d turn and look. She did not.
17
