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Honestly, jellyfish had always kind of creeped me out, but seeing them floating around in huge tanks beneath the glimmering lights, all lacy and ghostlike and shimmering with colors, was enchanting. Gabe held my hand as we listened to the guide talk about the various species on display, including the Atlantic bay and Pacific sea nettles, the lion’s mane jelly, and a short, squat little one called a blue blubber.
“That one’s my favorite,” I said, kissing Gabe’s cheek. “The blue one.”
“You’re my favorite,” he whispered back before kissing me.
We walked around some more, checking out an exhibit on Australia and another called Blacktip Reef, where sharks zoomed everywhere, before breaking for an early dinner. We walked to a nearby chain restaurant and got a table, and I started feeding Savannah while Gabe ordered our food. By the time the server brought our meals, I’d finished giving our girl her last bite of pears and apricots before putting the empty jar back into the diaper bag.
“Man, those tropical fish and corals at the Australian exhibit were amazing, weren’t they?” Gabe asked as he put his napkin on his lap. “I remember going snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef when I vacationed down there one time. It was unbelievable. I mean, seeing the fish here was great, but seeing them in the wild is something else.”
“I bet,” I said, smiling as I unwrapped my burger, doing my best to hide the gnarled thoughts about that damned insurance situation that still haunted my mind. We were having a lovely day. No way was I going to ruin that, especially when there was no way of knowing how much longer we’d have before Gabe left again. “It sounds wonderful.”
“Oh, it is.” He jammed his paper straw into his chocolate shake cup, then took a sip before reaching over to stroke Savannah’s cheek. “Maybe one day I’ll take my girls to see it for themselves.”
I nodded and chewed my food without really tasting it, my heart thudding sickly against my rib cage. Those words should’ve made me so happy. I wanted them to make me happy. But I was worried. Worried about the tavern. Worried about my future. Worried about whether any of this between Gabe and me would last once he was back with his team, traveling the world, while I stayed here in little Harpers Ferry with Savannah.
“Everything okay?” Gabe asked, apparently more intuitive than I’d given him credit for.
“Of course,” I lied, shoving more fries into my mouth, chewing and swallowing to buy some time. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
He watched me for a second, then exhaled slowly before pulling his wallet out to settle the bill. “No idea. But I’m wondering if we should try to squeeze in one more exhibit or head to the train station early for Savannah’s sake.” He checked his watch. “Our train heads back in three hours.”
Savannah was sleeping again, so I slipped her into the carrier on Gabe’s back before taking his hand again as we walked out of the restaurant and back toward the aquarium. It was less crowded now and a bit quieter. “I think as long as she’s sleeping, we can fit in one more.”
He agreed, and we started toward our final exhibit, my mind running through everything we’d just discussed.
Rebuilding had been my first choice, but maybe it wasn’t worth the headache. But if I didn’t rebuild, what was I going to do? Running a bar was basically my only life skill. I supposed I could work for someone else, but after being my own boss for years, that idea chafed.
Gabe leaned in and kissed my temple, giving another long look, curious yet confident, and I forced myself to concentrate on the day. Whatever happened, I’d deal with it and keep going, because that’s who I was, what I did.
Talk about surviving through adaptation. Those octopi had nothing on me.
TWENTY-TWO
Iwasn’t stupid. I could tell something was bothering Charlotte. Something had gone wrong somewhere, but I didn’t want to push. Not after everything she’d been through. So I waited until after our great day was over and we were home safe and sound that night.
We got Savannah bathed and in bed, and then we settled on the sofa to watch some TV. I put my arm around Charlotte’s shoulders and cuddled her into my side, kissing the top of her head before asking, “Want to tell me what’s going on with you?”
She stiffened for a moment, and I knew she was thinking about whether to deny anything was wrong again, but then she finally relaxed against me. Or maybe collapsed would be a better description. Being strong all the time was hard work. I knew that firsthand.
Charlotte sighed, resting her head on my shoulder. “I’m not sure what to do about the tavern.”
“Hmm.” I frowned, a bit confused, my chin atop her head. “What about it? Didn’t your meeting with the insurance guy go well?”
“No. Yes.” Another sigh. “I don’t know. I’m probably just thinking about it way too hard. Frankly, it’s giving me a headache.”
I tucked her a bit closer into my side and kissed her head again. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t imagine how hard all this is for you.”
I meant it. I’d lost my family, and that was a pain I’d always carry with me, but this was different. Losing her business, her livelihood, all the dreams she had wrapped up in that. She’d lost herself, in a way. If I’d woken up one day to find out my team was gone, I’m not sure what I’d do. I’d kind of built my whole world around that. To have it be taken away overnight would be devastating.
Part of me wanted to share those thoughts with her, but another part kept getting distracted by how good she felt at my side. I forced myself to focus on the problem at hand: how to navigate this new normal for Charlotte and still find a way that we could be together in the future.
An idea resurfaced, one that had started earlier today at the aquarium, when I’d mentioned taking her and Savannah with me to Australia next time. I’d never really considered it before, but it wasn’t impossible.
In fact, some of the other guys brought their families with them a lot, and the wives and kids stayed on the bases closest to wherever we were deployed. CO Smith’s family, for instance, had traveled the world with him. His kids knew five languages already. Imagine a life like that for my Savannah. My pulse kicked up a notch at the possibility that maybe I could have both my SEAL team and a family. “What if you came with me?”
Charlotte’s posture went rigid again, and she pushed away to look up at me, frowning. “What?”
“What if you and Savannah came with me when I go back to my deployment? There are usually military bases close by and the housing is decent. You two can explore the culture, meet new people, see the sights while I’m working.” When she didn’t say anything else, I continued. My growing excitement was morphing into irritation at her lack of enthusiasm, but I forced that down. She was still hurting over her loss. She just needed time and the right nudge to get on board. “Look, your tavern is gone. And you know that I’m so sorry about that. But there’s no going back to the way things were, so why not start new? Build a new life. Together. With me. What’s holding you here in Harpers Ferry now?”
