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Gabe studied me, then reached over and took my hand, his fingers strong and warm around mine. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.”
The way he said it almost made me believe him.
“I’m going to talk to my CO and see if I can extend my leave,” he continued. “We’ll get this all figured out, I promise.”
* * *
The guest room was down the hall from Charlotte’s and at first I thought it was silly that she locked the door behind her when she went to bed, since just about anyone could kick the damned thing in and be done with it. But I understood her need for security. Especially after today. Plus, I was still as good as a stranger to her, sleeping under her roof. What she probably didn’t realize was that this particular stranger could protect her and the baby better than any flimsy lock.
I spent more time than necessary unpacking, because the routine of it calmed me and helped me think through things. Besides, I liked to stay organized. They’d trained us that way in boot camp, and I’d gotten used to it. Order made sense to me, it was my way of life. Once I got my stuff put away, I pulled out my phone and called my CO. It was way early where the guys were right now, but given the situation, he’d understand.
“Smith here,” my CO answered after two rings. He sounded groggy.
“Hey, sir. It’s Gabe. I’m sorry to bother you so early in the morning, but I’ve got a situation here.” I filled him in on everything I knew, then said, “I can’t just leave them like this, sir.”
“No. I get that,” Smith said. “Stay there and do what you need to do, Kelley. Help them if you can. But keep me posted. And if you need us for anything, call. I’ll put in a request to extend your leave.”
“Thanks, sir,” I said, relieved, and started to end the call.
“What are your plans for your little girl?” he asked, getting right to the heart of he matter before I could hang up.
“Uh…” I wasn’t sure what to say. Hadn’t really gotten that far yet. “I’m not sure, sir.”
I knew deployments couldn’t accommodate babies, but if I got stationed on a base, maybe I could have a kid with me. The last thing I wanted to do was become part of Savannah’s life, only to walk away again. It wouldn’t be fair to her. But I also didn’t want to leave until things were settled here, which could take days or weeks. It was all still up in the air.
God, this was awful. I sank down on the edge of the bed, the past crowding in on my present. Being back here, holding the baby, brought back all my memories of Mom and Dad. Of Isaac. I didn’t want to deal with any of that right now, those dark feelings sucking me down into a black hole of grief and despair, the wound in my heart never quite healing. But I couldn’t ignore it either. Not anymore.
“I do think it’s good that I came home to Harpers Ferry,” I said eventually. “For a lot of reasons. I’ve got unfinished business here I need to put to rest.”
“Well, like I said, we’ll be here for you if you need us once you figure it out, Kelley,” Smith said. “Keep us in the loop.”
The call ended then, and I changed, then shut off the lights and flopped back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. But the mattress was too soft. It almost made me laugh, the idea that comfort didn’t work for me.
Yet another part of my life that probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. I was used to sleeping on the ground, or stealing a few minutes of shut eye in transit, so I ended up pulling a blanket and pillow off the bed and sleeping on the floor instead.
I closed my eyes and tried to force the tension from my shoulders. I felt like I hadn’t slept in days, and when my thoughts drifted to the sweet baby just down the hall from me, I knew that sleep wouldn’t be likely for a long time.
FIVE
Icrept down the hall on tiptoes, hoping that I wouldn’t wake either of my houseguests. I needed some quiet time alone to figure everything out and work through the chaos that had been thrown in my lap the day before. My heart pinched at the reason for it.Alexis.
I was going to make everything right. For her, and her beautiful daughter. I had no choice.
Gabe’s door was cracked open and I couldn’t stop myself from peeking in. Based on the snoring it was clear that he needed a good night’s sleep. My eyes fell on the bed and when I saw that it was empty I pushed the door open, taking a few steps inside to try to figure out what was going on. I was greeted by the sight of the massive man asleep on his side on the floor right next to the bed, the blanket half off his body. How was it possible that he actually lookedcomfortableon the hard wood?
I watched him breathing, trying to imagine what was going on in his head. His face was smashed into the pillow and his forehead was furrowed, like he was at work even in his dreams. For a second I imagined slipping closer to him, to pull the blanket up over his shoulder and whisper in his ear that everything was going to be okay.
Not that I knew it was the truth. Hell, nothing made sense to me at the moment. Not the child sleeping a few feet away, or the handsome mountain snoring on the ground.
I watched Gabe’s face until his eyes snapped open abruptly, like he’d felt the weight of my gaze.
“Oh!” I managed, backing towards the door. “I, uh, thebed. I didn’t know where you, uh, so I came in and, um …”
Gabe’s sleepy face transformed with a smile as I stuttered.
“I’m sorry!”
I turned and jogged down the hall, my face red.
