AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“So you wouldn’t want to go through it again?” Was Eddy it for her, then?
“I don’t know about that.” She glanced at the baby’s sleeping face. “I probably would. It’s lonely being an only child. I’d have liked a brother or sister. Wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah.” His teammates were like brothers to him, but he’d never had the real thing. He and Kelsey were both only children. Something they had in common.
“So that’s the full story,” she said. “After that, there were lots of sleepless nights and pacing the floor, but Eddy and I managed with some help from Dad and Maureen.”
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you,” he said. There were no excuses he could make. Nothing he could say, except to apologize. When they’d broken it off last December, he couldn’t have predicted how tough a time she’d have. If he’d known what she was going through, would he have handled things differently? Maybe. At the very least, he could have requested emergency leave and come home.
Contacting him while on a mission would have been difficult but not impossible, especially for Edwin. He could have cut through the red tape quickly enough to let Cole know that Kelsey needed him. She must not have wanted him, or thought he wouldn’t come even if she asked him to. He didn’t like either of those ideas.
And he didn’t know where to go from there. He’d apologized, but she hadn’t said that it was okay because they both knew it wasn’t. It just was what it was, and it was impossible to turn back the clock and make it up to her.
His eyes met hers, seeking something that he couldn’t name. Her expression stayed serious, but she leaned closer to him and placed a soft kiss on his lips whispering, “We should go home.”
FOURTEEN
Kelsey smiled to herself when they entered her house and Cole did his security sweep. The first time he’d done it, she’d been irritated. Now she saw it differently. He was taking care of them, ensuring their safety, like a man with a family does. He was their protector, and she was so thankful that he’d been with her through this ordeal.
At the aquatic center, it had been good to talk to him about her pregnancy and the fears that came with it, but she hadn’t done it to make him feel guilty. She was concerned that was the outcome of the conversation, and she didn’t want it to be. They’d both made choices last December, and she didn’t want him to beat himself up over decisions that he couldn’t do anything to change. But while they couldn’t change the past, the future was still unwritten. Did the choices from nearly a year before have to be permanent ones?
“Everything good?” she asked when he returned to her and took Eddy from her arms. The baby had woken up on the drive home but seemed content just to look around. He was becoming more and more aware of the world around him.
“All clear,” Cole said. “I know you think I’m being overly cautious, but I’m still worried about whoever was working with Gomez.”
“I am, too, especially after seeing what they were capable of.” Caution was a good thing in her mind. “Eddy’s wide awake. Let’s have some playtime with him. I don’t want him to nap again before bed.”
They let Eddy have tummy time and carried him out to her small yard to see the flowers she had in pots there. She liked that they were staying together and caring for their son. It made them feel like a real family. She did notice Cole studying her several times and seeming on the edge of saying something, but whatever he was thinking he kept to himself.
By eight, Eddy was fed, changed, rocked until his eyes drooped, and finally settled in his crib for the night. They crept from his room. She could do some work, but she didn’t want to part from Cole yet. “I’m going to change. I’ll meet you downstairs?”
He nodded. She went into her bedroom with the intention of changing into comfy pajamas, but it was a warm evening and she decided that she wanted something a little sexier. She put on a pair of hip-hugging knit shorts and a bright pink tank top.
When she entered the living room, Cole’s eyes tracked down her body, which she found was exactly what she’d wanted. “Should we watchGrey’s Anatomy?” she asked, wondering if it would lead to another kiss. The other evening she’d stopped him, but she wouldn’t do that tonight. Would he?
His eyes were serious, his forehead furrowed when he met her gaze. “I think we need to talk about our breakup. To clear the air. We’ve both been avoiding mentioning it, and I don’t want to skirt around it any longer.”
Not her vision of the evening, but he had a valid point. “Probably wise,” she said. They sat near each other on the couch, but not quite touching. Any romantic encounter she’d imagined for the evening seemed unlikely now, but he was right to say that they’d spent too long dancing around discussing the conversation that ended their relationship. It was time.
“I’ll go first if that’s okay with you,” she said. When he nodded, she took herself back to that night, to the pain and disappointment she’d felt when he chose to leave her. “I was nervous about telling you about the baby. We’d never discussed anything but the short term, and babies are the definition of commitment.” She’d steeled herself to come off as rational that night, but inside, she’d been a complete mess, her fears cascading over each other. “You were shocked, of course, I get that. When I realized I was pregnant, I was blown away and it took a few days to come to terms with it.”
“Understandable,” he commented.
“Yeah, and I wish now that I’d given you time, too, before forcing the conversation between us. Because when you decided not to continue our relationship or have anything to do with the baby, I felt…I felt so abandoned.” She hadn’t cried until after he'd left, but she’d sobbed inconsolably once the door closed.
He sat up straighter, shock written on his face. “But I thought you didn’t want me involved. You kept stressing that you could raise the baby on your own. You said it over and over. It seemed like you were telling me to go.”
“I had to do that. Don’t you see?” she questioned. “I wasn’t going to cling to you or hold you back from the career you love or force you into a serious relationship when you’d always been clear that you wanted to keep things casual. I wasn’t going to be that woman. And Icanraise him on my own, but that wasn’t what I wanted.” She’d been heartbroken, devastated, but she was doing what she’d said she would. She and Eddy were managing just fine and would continue to after Cole left. She knew better than to expect him to stay with her in a fully committed way, but maybe he could have a place in Eddy’s life and hers.
“Kels,” his voice was soft, “whatdidyou want from me?” He reached out to take her hand and she let him.
“To be all in. To say that I was a priority to you, and that we could be a family.” It was a version of the truth. She’d wanted him to say he loved her and would love their child. She’d hoped that they could find a way to be together. All those hopes had been cruelly dashed when he’d walked out. “But I know your career is more important to you. Just like with my dad. I love him, and I understand him so much better now that I’m an adult, but one part of him that I’ve just had to accept is that family came second. I get that the same is true for you, so I didn’t push you for more.”
He was silent, seemingly stunned.
“I’m not asking for anything,” she said, trying to bring this conversation to a close. “Eddy and I are doing well. We’ll be fine when you leave again. I can handle it.”
“I don’t want you to raise him alone any longer,” Cole said, “but I can’t make promises about the future either.”
