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I fucked my best friend’s sister. He’s already become overly protective of her. Imagine if he knew I slept with her. He’d go ballistic.
“Okay, but you know I wouldn’t do that to her, right?”
“No, I don’t know that. You’ve never had a serious relationship. You chew women up and spit them out.”
“Bridget is different.”
“First of all, she prefers Birdie. Second, shejustcame home! You think you can sleep with her since she’s going to be going back to Vancouver in a week?”
“Jesus! All I want to do is get to know her again.”
“Bullshit. I see the way you look at her. You want to do more than that. Get to know her? You want to take her out on some dates? Wine and dine her?”
I let my mind wander and picture what that might look like. Taking her to fancy restaurants, bringing her to games, seeing her in the WAGs box, hanging out and doing nothing—and other times, doing everything.
“Wait—do you still...” He narrows his eyes.
I shrug. I don’tstillhave a crush on her, this crush began two nights ago when she made me rethink my view on relationships and want something more than sex.
“Yeah, let’s run through that. You take her out a few nights, pull all your usual Lonan Burke bullshit, and she catches feelings. Then you sleep with her—”
“Hold up a sec—” I wave both my hands in rebuttal.
“I’m not done yet,” he continues, “You take her home and once you get what you want, you stop returning her calls, and you drop her. Just like you do withalllllthe other ones, except she’s not like the other ones. This is Birdie. This is my sister. If you hurt or humiliate her, she’ll be on the next flight to BC, and she might never come back. Burke, your actions affect all of us, I can’t let you do that.”
I stand there waiting for him to finish. Is that truly what he thinks of me? I should have been more honest regarding my past relationships because he has it backward.
“Now it’s your turn to listen.”
We’re already crowded in the small cellar, but I step closer, invading his space even more. “I know that my relationship history is sketchy, at best. And sure, hookups aren’t uncommon for me. I own that shit. But those women you’re talking about—they seek me out. They only want to take home a hockey player for the bragging rights. They want to useme, not the other way around.”
He crosses his arms and sarcastically laughs. He won’t even look at me.
“My first year in the NHL, women threw themselves at me constantly. I followed along like a good teammate and did what everyone else did to fit in, but I didn’t see it for what it was back then. My dumbass even asked a couple of them out because I thought they actually were interested inme.” I scoff. “After enough times, it becomes a matter of simply going through the motions. Women always want something from me. Hell, my own mother won’t talk to me unless I’m wiring money into her checking account. This family is the closest thing I have to the real thing. So, fuck me for trying to connect with someone I actually care about.”
He’s silent for a minute, but I stare him square in the eye. He needs to know I’m serious.
“I didn’t—”
“It’s fine. I never corrected you in the past, I should have.” If I don’t tell him what I’m thinking, my thoughts will eat me alive, so I keep going. “I promise you, if anything develops between us, she will hurt me long before I hurt her.” Though, I hope it never comes to that.
“You know she doesn’t live here, right? She hasn’t said anything about moving here yet, she’s got a whole life in Vancouver. She’s going back, man.” His resolve is crumbling.
“We’ll see.” I have a suspicion he’s only taking down the cockblock because he wants to see if I can be the one to get her to stay, but I’m so desperate I’d probably take a trade to Vancouver if I had to.
We’re at a stalemate. I’m ending this conversation before he gets in my face again.
I pull a couple random bottles from the shelves and pass one to him.
“We can’t go back empty-handed.”
THIRTEEN
Never would have thought I’d spend this year’s Christmas Eve with my real family. We’re cleaning up from dinner, and I’m washing dishes while Audrey dries. Everyone is chatting in the kitchen except for Lonan, he’s occupying Maddie with some floor hockey game in the living room. I can hear her giggling from here. He showed up this morning with fresh cinnamon bread. At first, I was surprised to see him again, but it sounds like he spends every holiday with my family.
Not only is he stupid hot but he’s really sweet with my niece and nephew. There’s this spark between us I’m struggling to ignore. Every time our eyes meet, he looks at me like we have unfinished business, and it sends a flush of warmth through me. Unfortunately, I have no business entertaining anything more than friendship. He plays for the Lakes. Maybe someday we could meet up when he plays in Vancouver. If that’s where I’m living.
I have a lot of shit to work through, but when he’s around, the only thing I can think about is the night we spent together. He’s intimidating in the most exhilarating way, and I find my focus narrowing in on the threat of him. The rush of endorphins have me feeling guilty. I remind myself he’s an NHL player, and it’s simply a matter of being starstruck. Who wouldn’t feel flutters in their vagina while looking at him?
