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“Not mine yet.ButI’m meeting with an inspector to do a site survey this week. I need to move quickly. I’ve registered the name and gotten my license. I’m so close I can taste it.” I reach across the table and place his large hand in both of mine. “I’m so close, Rhys. I can’t stop now.”
“I know. Forget I brought it up. I don’t want to add to your stress.” A little late for that. I hate seeing him like this. He seems more hurt than anything.
“Will you come with me?”
“To your inspection?”
“Yeah, I want you to see it.” I want him to be a part of this. Sugar & Ice is important to me. And so is Rhys. I like the notion of combining the two.
“When?”
“Two weeks. That’s the soonest they could get me in. You don’t have a game. I already checked. But if you don’t want to go, it’s okay. No hurt feelings. It might be boring.”
He squeezes my hand. “I wouldn’t miss it, baby.”
There’s still a forlorn look in his eyes. It’s obvious we aren’t done talking about this, but I can’t end just before the finish line. This is the first time I’ve made money like this,good money.I can’t show up emptyhanded when it’s time to make an offer, they’re expecting me toshow them the money. This deal won’t happen without collateral.
I want to change the subject. “Have you heard from Anna?”
Why the fuck did I ask that?Of all the things to ask. Am I purposely trying to sabotage this date by bringing up another sensitive topic?
“I dunno. She called a few days ago. She’s doing okay. She sounds good.”
“That’s good.” I try to sound upbeat, but it’s difficult to mask how I’m feeling around this man.
“You don’t sound convinced.”
“It’s just... I’ve been there before.”
“Tell me about him. Is he still using?”
Kyle’s face flashes in my memory for a split second. “He OD’d, Rhys.”
The air is heavy with silence.
“Hi! I’m Sheila! I’ll be your server today, are we interested in any appetizers this afternoon?” She’s not at all affected by the change in atmosphere.
Emotion clogs my throat. I cough to clear the uncomfortable heaviness and paste on a smile.
“We need a few more minutes,” Rhys says, keeping his eyes focused on me. The bubbly server nods and bounces off to another table. His gaze remains on mine. He waits a beat before asking, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Not really. But it might help him understand why I’m so adamant about this. I blow out a breath. Here goes nothing.
“I loved him. Fiercely. I thought he was it for me. He was supposed to be the one.”
I hear Rhys swallow from across the table. I don’t have the strength to look at him when I tell this story, so I stare at my drink and gently spin the chilled glass of water. My fingerprints create little windows in the condensation at the base. It gives me something to concentrate on while I drudge up the ugly memories.
“I thought he had been doing better, he seemed better. He was happier and work was going well. He was promoted twice and had these exciting business trips. I was so proud of him. Then a friend texted me that she saw him in a weird part of town. He was supposed to be at a seminar in Salt Lake City. I questioned him about it, and he became overly defensive. It was like a switch flipped in his brain. He started yelling at me, accusing me of not trusting him. He was paranoid. I let it go, but the next time he had a business trip, I tracked his phone.”
“And?” He says it almost rhetorically and takes a sip of his water.
“It was all a lie. He was staying in a rough area, just outside of Seattle. What’s crazy is I remember thinking,please just be cheating on me.Isn’t that terrible?
“I immediately went online to look at our bank statements. It was full of cash withdrawals. He was spending all of our money on drugs. The only deposits were from my two recent paychecks. He had been fired from his job, those “business trips” were just nights he spent on a bender. Once his facade was pulled back, he wasn’t Kyle anymore. He wasn’t a person.”
I continue to spin the glass, more condensation pools on the table. Rhys takes my free hand, but I don’t look at him.
“I felt frozen. I was devoted to him, but he’d been living this double life. I tried to help him so many times. But he didn’t want it for himself. I thought I could want it enough for the both of us. It doesn’t work that way. He started sleeping around, one time I walked in on a girl blowing him, she had been snorting lines off his dick. He lied to me, he stole from me, and he gaslit me within an inch of my sanity.”
