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But the furrow on his brow tells me something’s going on. So does seeing Quinn catch Trevor’s gaze and tilting his head toward the house. Ashton gets up from her chair and starts making her way toward us.
“Go,” I say as Trevor turns his head to face me, as if about to tell me he has to go. “Do what you need to do.”
As Trevor heads into the house, Ben and Natalie get up and follow right behind him.
“What’s going on?” I ask as Ashton joins me.
“Probably work, as usual. There’s always something going on with these guys, given what they do,” she replies as I look at the rest of the guests. The subtle shift in the air is still there even as they talk about sports and fishing. The silences seem to grow longer.
“I’m sure others have asked you this already, but I want your green chile burger recipe,” Ashton continues as she pulls out her phone. “We loved it and I think Quinn had three of them.”
I chuckle. “That’s why I made a lot.” As I text her the recipe, the other guests seem to take the men’s departure as a sign to leave, and soon, the party winds down until it’s over, most everyone saying goodbye as they thank Charlie for the wonderful company. Ashton and I help with the cleanup, joining Charlie in the kitchen, our conversation light.
When the men emerge from the office twenty minutes later, I can tell whatever happened, it’s serious. But I remind myself this is the way it is with his line of work. I heard my share of stories from the other women during the barbecue about the deployments, training missions, and having to deal with everything on their own at home. Apparently, it’s no different whether they’re in or out of the Teams.
“You ready to go?” Trevor asks.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” I say as I dry the empty plastic containers I’d brought the patties in. “Everything okay?”
“I’ll tell you on the way home.”
From the look in his eyes, I can tell he’s worried. And I am, too, for the thought of him leaving on such short notice is something I never planned for. Neither is the hollow feeling inside my chest that’s growing deeper every minute.
But whether or not he has to leave is something I need to accept as a part of loving him. Because I do love Trevor. I even said it to him the other night even if I told myself I didn’t mean it.
Oh, but I did. Every word.
After all, I can only fool myself for so long. Eventually, the heart wants what it wants, and my heart wants Trevor.
Chapter Eleven
Trevor
As Claudia and I head back to the apartment, I wish I could tell her everything. But even if I want to, I can’t. I don’t have all the details. Not yet.
All we know is that Ryan and our team were supposed to meet with a contact yesterday but they never showed. No one can get in touch with them at all and they’re in hostile territory. While it could mean anything—something could have forced them to go dark or they could have encountered trouble—we need to get to the area as soon as possible, which means we have to leave as soon as arrangements are made, most likely by tomorrow.
“Are you okay? You’re driving too fast,” Claudia says as I ease my foot off the gas and she sighs, relieved.
“I’m okay. Just… thinking, that’s all,” I reply.
“What happened?”
“Our team is missing.” My knuckles turn white as I grip the wheel. “It’s been three days since we heard from them, and they’ve missed the last two checkpoints.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
I take a deep breath, still deep in thought. There are a few possibilities, the same ones I’ve thought about since Ryan and his team went dark. They may have been spotted by the enemy and may have had no choice but to cut comms. They could be lying low. Or they could all be dead, a possibility I don’t want to consider at all. I can feel my jaw clenching but I force myself to relax. “Do you mind if we listen to music for now?”
“Go ahead.”
And so we listen to music, as if the songs will serve as a reset button for the rest of the ride home.Run the Jewelsby Run the Jewels,Born to Runby Bruce Springsteen,Sweet Child O’ Mineby Guns N’ Roses,Cliffs of Doverby Eric Johnson.
As I raise the volume, I know some of the songs aren’t exactly Claudia’s cup of tea, but I need to hear them right now. And I’m glad she lets the playlist keep going as I feel myself pull back like I used to do before I had to leave for a mission. Much like the night Claudia and I first met when all I wanted was to hang out with my friends.
Before I saw her and everything changed.
My phone rings when we exit the elevator to our floor and I see Mark’s name on the display. “I have to get this.”
