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“Exactly. We don't want to take that joy away from her so we have to be responsible, you know, do the grown-up thing.”
“I didn't realize being grown up meant making yourself miserable,” Heidi scoffs.
“Who is miserable? I’m fine, really.”
“No, you're not, look at yourself.”
I stare into the mirror in front of me.
“You're a happy person but you've been even more so since the wedding and engagement. It's not rocket science who the catalyst is. And –” She holds up a hand. “I know my brother, you've definitely brought out a lighter side of him.”
I’m caught off guard that I’ve been so unintentionally transparent. If Heidi can see through me so clearly, why can’t he? My stomach lurches at the thought.
“Well, whatever it is I did, it wasn’t good enough.” I brace myself for her inevitable response.
“Whatever do you mean?”
I sigh. “I almost fell for him, like really hard… And I was afraid of falling alone.”
“The guy who follows you to work like a puppy is definitely falling for you, too.”
“I asked him to define the relationship. He gave me the ‘I just don’t believe in love’ line. So now we’re here.”
“Awww,” she lets out and strokes my arm. “I’m so sorry. But he got on a horse, for crying out loud. There’s no way he’d do that if he wasn’t down bad for you.”
“Your mom said the same thing.” I let out a small laugh. “Listen, I knew what I was getting myself into. I shouldn’t expect a fairytale ending so I’ll respect his decision. Our decision.”
The door swings open and someone bolts into a stall. Heidi checks her wristwatch. “We should get back.”
“You’re right. Thanks for listening.”
“We’re surrounded by so many alternative love stories. Just because it’s unconventional doesn’t mean it can’t work or isn’t real, okay?”
Another sigh from me. “Okay.”
She gives me a quick hug.
We head into the bar where I get back to work. A part of me is happy to have shared my feelings but I’m also now confused. Heidi and Honey are convinced Carter loves me, but I saw his face when he said he didn’t. You can’t fake ‘the ick,’ and he got it. But you can’t fake deep intimacy either, and we clearly have that.Had that, you mean.
My brain rattles withhe loves me, he loves me notthoughts. Allegedly Carter has become his most romantic with me? Why didn’t he pick any of the random dates his mom sent him on for a fake marriage to please her? That counts for something, right?
A lanky, middle-aged man saunters up to the bar, looks me square in the face, and places his order. “Two Manhattans, please.”
My mouth drops, then snaps closed. Of all the days someone would order the drink from our first date.
It feels physically impossible to move. My rusty movements eventually manage to mix them up, and the man accepts the drinks with an annoyed expression from having to wait while I stumbled through the request. He doesn’t even tip.
“Damn you, Carter,” I say under my breath as a massive wave of nausea threatens to knock me off my feet.
33
CARTER
The steak I’m eating feels like cardboard in my mouth, despite it being cooked to perfection.
Florence’s tips are coming in handy once again, I think dully.
I know perfectly well why I’m not enjoying my dinner, though. It’s because I’m eating it alone. The house feels quiet without Jada in it, even though I know she’s just at work. The thing is, I’d usually be sitting at the resort with her right about now, sharing dinner during her break and laughing together.
