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I am fucking going to get us out of here!
I didn’t fight the fight all those years ago to end up like this. Buried in a box, cold and alone, with my life flashing before my eyes. No, I didn’t.
I am strong.
I can do this.
I will not let this be the end.
I call out once more, over and over, until my throat hurts.
Then I decide to go back to my dream.
The dream was perfect. That’s where I need to be.
Being on holiday with my family, having the love of the man I always dreamed of.
I couldn’t want for anything else.
Is this my future?
Or is my dream showing me the things that I’ve lost?
No!I refuse to believe that.
I refuse to believe that this is it. That this is how I am going to die. Not on my watch.
I think back to all the wonderful things that have happened in my life. My loving parents, my brother. The Medicis, every single one of them. Valentina, the sister I never had. Angelo, like the older big brother, took me under his wing when my own brother wasn’t around. And my beautiful Fynn.
This is not the end. This is just the beginning.
I’m not going to make any last declarations of love, in my head or out loud… I refuse. I will tell Fynn all of these things when I see him.
I don’t know how much time passes; it could be minutes, it could be hours, I don’t know.
But in those passing moments, I try to picture his face. His loving blue eyes. His perfect smile. The way his lips curl when he’s about to tell a joke, the one he will laugh the loudest at.
I swallow hard. My throat feels dry, my nose feels like it’s full of smoke, and the air is getting very thick in here.
I don’t want to go to sleep. I’m afraid I might not wake up.
I need to stay awake.
I need to fight this feeling of dizziness and tiredness. It can’t be because of lack of oxygen, even though every single symptom I’m feeling points toward that.
I refuse to believe it.
My ears pound, and I don’t know if I’m hearing things or if it’s the delusions taking over, but I hear a sound above me.
It gets louder.
I try to scream, but no sound comes out. With what little strength I have left, I bang a fist above my head once more, then kick as well for good measure.
“Fynn,” I whisper-shout. “Fynn!”
My eyes start to water, my vision gets blurry, and I don’t know if I’m crying or if I’m actually fading away. But that little boy, with the curly blonde hair, just like his daddy, runs toward me, and he flings his arms around my neck and says, “Mama! Mama! Swimming, swimming!”
I smile, kissing his beautiful rosy cheeks as he settles in my arms.
