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I sigh.
Then, he grabs my chin with one hand and gently lifts it to meet his gaze. “Don’t hide from me, Sage. I want what’s best for you. Please tell me.”
“Next week,” I say quietly.
“So soon?”
“It literally just happened. Granted, I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but then the opportunity came up, and I thought it might be good for me, to spread my wings… after everything.”
He takes a big sip of his wine as he lets go of my chin, then picking up his fork, he starts to eat.
“This is a good thing. You’ve always wanted to go to Cali.”
I’m surprised he remembered that. Then again, so little surprises me about Fynn anymore. I should know that he knows everything about me. I can’t hide much from him.
“I wanted to tell you sooner,” I start.
“Babe, you don’t have to explain to me.”
“But I feel like I do. You’ve done so much for me.”
“That’s what friends are for, right?”
We stare at one another. A sadness crosses his face. It’s only for a split second, but I feel it.
I get goosebumps all over my skin.
Am I hurting him by doing this? Was he expecting more?
Not for the first time, I feel like I’m failing him. But then I remember my therapist and all we’ve been working for.
I can’t keep using Fynn as my crutch to feel better.
Inevitably, I do that a lot, and he comes running. But when he can’t come, I feel lost and alone. It’s not healthy. By going away, it means I can’t rely on him all the time.
It’s not like he probably even wants to. For all I know, I could be a burden on him, and he might be glad I’m going.
I shake my head. No. Fynn would never think like that.
I feel a lump in my throat, trying hard to hang on to the last shred of gumption I have left. Otherwise, I’ll never get through this dinner, and I’ll go back on everything I promised myself.
“Yes,” I reply quietly. “Friends.”
I know by the look in his eyes that he doesn’t want me to go. His eyes, his face, everything about him right now, contradicts his words. “I’m happy for you.”
“I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”
“Of course you are. Boston will always be here. It’s an amazing opportunity. I think you’ve already made your mind up, and the question is why you think you have to get my permission.”
“I don’t think I need to do that.”
“Then why are you nervous to tell me?” He sees right through me. Every single time.
“I’m not…”
He cocks a brow. “I’ve known you since we were five, Sage Lawson. Don’t think you can lie to me.”
“Like I said, this is hard. We’re close… and I think that, maybe… if it weren’t for the whole…”—I can’t even say his name—“Ex boyfriendsituation, then you and I… maybe we might have…” I trail off, shaking my head, because I’m clearly pathetic.
