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He sets his cutlery down, and I can see the struggle in his eyes. If he agrees, then maybe… maybe I could stay…
“Baby, I want you to go and live your life. That’s what will make me really happy,” he says, my heart thumping, and deflating a little. “And I could tell you to stay for my own selfish reasons because, yes, you’re right, it’s kinda obvious I hold a flame for you. I always will. But keeping you here isn’t really what you want, and I know that. I couldn’t bear the thought that I’d keep you from achieving what you want. That would break me, more than what it would be to ask you to stay.”
I feel the tears as they slide down my face. “But we’re so right together.”
He wipes my tears, leaning toward me as he kisses the top of my head. “We are, but it’s all about timing, baby cakes.And you’re a butterfly. You just have to spread your wings and fly.”
I drop my head onto his shoulder, mostly because I know he’s right, but also because I love him so very much. And I’m willing to walk away.
Maybe he’s right, maybe the timing just isn’t right at this moment in time. “Will you come visit me in Cali?”
He clears his throat.
In my dreams, I imagine this is hard for him too, that he doesn’t really want to let me go.
But he’s so selfless that he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I’m happy.
That’s just who he is.
And it’s one of the reasons I have to let him go. He can’t keep trying to fix me. That isn’t fair. He has his own life to live. If we come back to each other again, then we will know.
I can’t tell him how I really feel, how much I love and respect him, but most of all, how much I want him. I need him in my life, even from afar. I can’t break away entirely.
That would be like ripping my heart right out of my chest.
“Of course.” He squeezes my hand reassuringly. “I’ll be there with bells on,baby cakes.I can’t wait to get a suntan.”
I laugh, knowing that part is true.
We stay like that, me in his arms one last time, until the pasta has long gone cold.
If this is meant to be a happy occasion, then why the hell do I feel like my entire world just fell apart?
6
FYNN
FUCK.
It isn’t like I didn’t know this was coming. I may act a little aloof sometimes, but I’m not an idiot. Even though a part of me is disappointed she’s going to be three thousand miles away, a bigger part of me knows this is for the best. This is what she wants, and what she needs.
It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do; let her walk away again. But I know if I don’t, I’ll keep her here forever. It wouldn’t be good to make her stay.
I can keep her safe, no matter where she is.
If she thinks that she’s gonna roam the streets of California without protection, then she doesn’t know me very well at all.
There is nothing I won’t do to protect her.
As I take another long gulp of my wine, I try to wash away the nostalgia. We’ve got a long history. We’ve seen each other grow and move in different directions, yet we keep coming back together. I wonder what any of it means, and if I’m being a jerk by letting her go—not that she’s mine to do what I like with. Sage has always been headstrong; she’s the only woman I know who calls me out on my bullshit and tells it like it is. Maybe that’s why I like her so much.
She’ll be gone this time next week.
Nobody will be there to protect her.
I shift in my seat. That’s not happening.
I’ll make some calls as soon as I leave. Sage will never have to worry about anyone hurting her. I’ll hire more than one person, I don’t give a shit.
