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“Please, Beck. It’s hard enough to do this.”
I fell to my knees in front of her. Tears rained down my face. “Please, Nora.” My voice cracked. “Just go on the list. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for me. Do it for Louise. Do it for William.”
She shook her head. “Please go.”
“Nora,please.I will get the best doctors, the best surgeon. Is it legal to buy a heart anywhere? I don’t even care. I’ll buy you one on the black market if I have to. Just don’t quit on me. I’ll do anything you want,” I pleaded. “Please, sweetheart.”
She broke down in a sob. It killed me to cause her pain, but I didn’t know any other way to get through. Though I also couldn’t stand two feet away and watch her break down. So I wrapped her in my arms. She struggled for a few seconds, but then gave in, nearly collapsing into my hold. Her shoulders shook, and the room grew eerily quiet. I knew exactly what was coming. But that didn’t help me prepare for it at all. The silence was broken by the most excruciating sound I’d ever heard in my life. It was beyond a wail; it was the harrowing outpour of sheer agony. Like the right pitch can shatter glass, my heart splintered into a million pieces.
“Don’t cry, Nora. I love you. Please don’t cry.”
But she didn’t stop. And neither did I. We stood in that kitchen for what felt like forever, bawling our eyes out. Eventually though, our cries quieted to sniffles, and the shaking of our bodies steadied. I felt like such a selfish bastard.
“I’m sorry I upset you. I just don’t know how to get through.” I forced myself to look into her pained eyes. “I’m sorry, Nora.”
She swallowed and cleared her throat. “Did you mean it when you said you will do anything I want?”
“Of course.”
Nora looked into my eyes. “Then I need you to let me go.”
CHAPTER 28
Nora
“YOUR HEARTBEAT ISslow, but that’s to be expected with this stage of your illness and after what you went through last month. That’s probably the reason you’re feeling a little sluggish,” Dr. Hammond said. “Well, that and the LA smog.”
I smiled. “Okay.”
“How long ago was the heart attack?”
“It’ll be six weeks tomorrow.”
Dr. Hammond scribbled notes in my new chart. When he was done, he closed it and looked at me with a smile. “You’re really the spitting image of your mother.”
“My dad says the same thing.”
“How is your dad?”
“He’s okay. He acts like nothing is wrong, but I know it has to be tough on him to watch someone who looks like my mother go through what she did.”
Dr. Hammond nodded. “I’m sure.”
He’d been my mother’s cardiologist when I was a kid. While I wasn’t doing any treatments, I still needed a refill of the dozen medications I took in order to keep breathing. I thought it might be easier to go to someone familiar with my disease. Not every cardiologist has experience with it because it’s so rare.
“Everything else looks good.” Dr. Hammond shut my chart. “Your lungs are clear, blood pressure is stable with the help of the medications you take, and your EKG was unchanged from the last one your doctor in New York sent over.”
“Great.”
“You can return to your normal activities. Keep your exercise on the light side, and be mindful of becoming winded. You can also resume sexual activity and return to work.”
The mention of sex made my chest feel hollow. It had been a whole fifteen minutes since I’d last thought of Beck.
“Okay, thank you.”
“And I’ll see you back here in three months to see if we need any medication adjustments.”
Three months.
