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It’s painted white with lights that resemble white fluffy clouds hanging from a ceiling that has been painted to resemble a pink sky. The walls are white but hold mirrors in the shape of clouds and hidden lighting that changes as Bonnie runs through a sequence on the remote. The white painted crib stands off center, with a huge pink fluffy rug resting on the white carpet. There are little white cupboards that, when opened, hold everything I could possibly need for Hope and an attached bathroom that is every girl’s dream. Modern fixtures and luxurious accessories equip a luxurious room and there is even a changing station by the huge window overlooking the pretty yard.
A huge stuffed white bear sits in the corner of the bedroom and there is absolutely nothing I can find fault with.
Ashton says with excitement. “Come and look at your bedroom.”
I follow her with Hope in my arms and wonder how I got so lucky. When I see the huge emperor-sized bed, I do a double take because my own bed at home was a twin.
“I’ll get lost in there.” I say with a giggle and Bonnie grins. “I doubt it. Those Reapers take up quite a bit of the space if yours is anything like mine.”
I say nothing, but her words make me freeze. Of course. I am part of a family now and that means I sleep with Jonny.
I must be as white as one of Bonnie’s fluffy clouds, because Ashton says with concern. “Are you ok, honey?”
“Of course.” I force a bright smile on my face as the door slams downstairs and the two women stare at one another and grin.
“Our time is up.” Bonnie says with a sigh.
“We’ll drop by tomorrow and answer any more questions you have. Have a good evening.”
They exchange an amused smile, but I’m not laughing. This is it. My Rubicon. My point of no return because the enormity of what I’ve agreed to is consuming every thought in my head.
Jonny is used to someone in his bed. It’s obvious after what the women told me. He was a single man and probably enjoyed the company of many single ladies. If I don’t play my part, he has a whole block of choices a stone’s throw away.
Sex with Jonny is nothing new. When we first met, it was inevitable. I was infatuated with him. Curious and had been held on a leash for so long, the minute I saw my chance, I took it, and it was everything I hoped for. I was lit by desire and drunk on lust. We couldn’t get enough of one another and just the memory makes me shiver with desire.
But that was ages ago, and a lot has happened since then. I’m no longer the sweet, naive girl he said he fell in love with. I’m the bitch who ran away with his child and never even gave him the right to know of her existence. He must hate me and just picturing lying beside him in that huge bed fills me with so much pain because how can it ever be the same again? Not after what I did to him.
Bonnie and Ashton are staring at me with concern, and I raise a half smile and stare down at my sleeping baby, who is blissfully unaware that we are at a crossroads in our lives. This house, these people, and Jonny couldn’t have been more welcoming. But can we really make a life here? It’s not really the stuff of stories and definitely nothing like I imagined when I was growing up.
However, I always knew I didn’t want the life my mom had. Don’t ask me why, I just knew there was something better out there, so I smile and say with a yawn, “I’m sorry. I’m dead on my feet. I’m not good company.”
Ashton says in a rush. “Of course. You’ve had a long traumatic day. If I thought you’d be ok with it, I’d offer to look after Hope for you, but I’m guessing you won’t let her out of your sight after what those people did.”
She looks so angry it makes me smile and I say gratefully, “Thank you. Maybe I’ll take a rain check on that.”
I say it more to make her feel better than mean it, because just the thought of Hope being out of my sight for a second has my heart frantically beating out of time.
Bonnie says firmly, “We should go. You have a man downstairs who is impatient to spend time with his family. We’ll call on you tomorrow and take you shopping for supplies.”
As they make to leave, I call out. “Thank you.”
They turn and I blush a little as I say softly, “I don’t deserve any of this, but thank you.”
Ashton says fiercely, “You deserve every last thing and more. What you went through is monstrous and now you’re here, you’ll soon realize it’s nowhere near as bad as it looks.”
Bonnie nods. “That can all wait, though. Have a good evening, Faith.”
I listen to them head downstairs and wander back into the nursery, loving how adorable everything is. I can’t begin to imagine how much this all cost and I’m already fearful of receiving a huge check with no way to pay them back.
Hope stirs in my arms, and I set about changing and feeding her, loving the isolation now it’s just the two of us. For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid that my parents will heap more misery on my shoulders. It does feel safe here when it is probably anything but, and I should give it a chance.
“Hey.”
I glance up and my heart flutters when I see Jonny standing in the doorway, delivering every fantasy I ever had.
“Hey.” I smile and beckon him into the room.
He appears nervous and yet has a desperation in his eyes that I recognize and as he wanders over, he stares at Hope sleeping peacefully in her crib.
