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“She’s perfect.” He says almost to himself, and I love how besotted he is with her already.
“She is.” I smile as I stare down at our little girl and then, as I raise my eyes, I see the love shining right back at me.
“I came back for you, Faith.”
A simple statement that is loaded with regret and I say sadly, “I should never have run from you. I’m sorry.”
He nods toward the open doorway, and I realize he must have many questions and so resigned to no sleep at all, I follow him outside. We must deal with this before we can move forward and what better time than the first day of the rest of our lives.
CHAPTER30
JONNY
How can a man be happy and so anxious at the same time? Everything I ever wanted was in that room and yet it’s as if it’s hovering out of reach. What could be mine if I was a better man. A woman who loves me and a child so perfect she must have been crafted from the last shred of good in me.
I don’t deserve them.
They are too good for me.
I am a cold-blooded killer.
A man who cusses, swears, and fucks whores in his spare time. A man running from the bitter words of his past and doing everything possible to prove them wrong but failing miserably.
I should never have gone back to Heaven, but I am so glad I did because I found a life worth fighting for. However, this fight may be one I can’t win and so I need to test the water a little and see if there’s a slight chance for Faith and for me.
I head into the kitchen and Faith follows nervously, babbling as she always does when she’s nervous.
“This place is amazing, Jonny. I love what they’ve done with it. Did you ever imagine places like this existed? What about Ashton and Bonnie? They are so cool, aren’t they? They’ve made me so welcome. I really like them, you know…”
“Faith!” It comes out a little harder than I intended, and she jumps, her eyes wide and as she drags in that lower lip of hers and chews on it anxiously, it reminds me how she always had the ability to make me lose my mind.
“Faith.” My voice is lower, desperate even, as I run my fingers through my hair and stare at her with a mixture of hope and fear.
“We need to talk.”
Well, state the obvious. I sometimes hate my inability to form a meaningful sentence where she is concerned.
She nods and I point to the couch and hate that she sits straight-backed as if she’s a passing visitor and not in her own home and I drop down before her on my knees, noting how her eyes widen and her anxious expression. I realize I’m a scary motherfucker. I intimidate most people, so I shrug out of my jacket that I really should get cleaned as a priority and face her as Jonny, the kid she told me she fell in love with.
“Faith.” I don’t appear to hold the power to move past her name, and I sigh and reach for her hands, taking each one in mine. She doesn’t want to look me in the eye, that’s obvious, so I say in a gentler tone, “Baby, look at me.”
She peers nervously under her lashes and my heart crashes and burns as I am reminded of how innocent she is. What was I thinking bringing them here?
“I asked you to trust me.”
My voice is husky and laced in desperation because I just can’t fuck this up.
“I do.” She whispers, and I smile ruefully.
“Then why did you run?”
Now it’s out there I’m not sure I even want the answer to that and hate the tears that fill her eyes as she whispers, “Because I didn’t want to ruin your life.”
“My life. What do you mean?”
She chews on that god-damned lip again, causing the heat to flare inside me at the memory of how it tasted.
“I loved you so hard, Jonny.”
