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“Damn.” Sam took a long breath, running her fingers through Sara’s hair. “How did you know?”
“Because I know you,” Sara said. “You’re my whole heart. I know when you’re not okay.”
“I don’t know what to say, or I would’ve told you sooner, love.” Sam rubbed the deep crease between her brows with her fingertips. “It’s been driving me crazy that I don’t know how to describe it, and the last thing I want is to get it wrong and have you think it’s about us. It’s not…I just can’t figure out what it is.”
Sara looked up through her eyelashes and laid her hand, warm and soft, over Sam’s heart. “We made the promise on our wedding day that if something was ever wrong between us, we’d stop everything right then and untangle it. I trust you. If it was something to do with me, you would have told me a long time ago.” Sara slid her hand up into Sam’s hair and traced the silver at the edge of her ear. “You don’t have to know how to talk about it. Or even what it is. Just tell me three words that get the closest to describing how you feel.”
Sam was silent for a long moment, trailing her fingers up and down Sara’s back. “Disappointment, maybe?”
“Okay. That’s the first one.”
“But…” The edge of frustration was raw in Sam’s voice. “I don’t know why, I—”
“Shh…” Sara said, reaching up to put a finger on her lips. “Don’t worry about that. You don’t have to know yet. What’s the second word?”
“Emptiness, maybe?” Sam said hesitantly. “And the third is probably frustration.”
Sara just listened, knowing that if she didn’t try to throw her own words into the space between them, Sam would unravel the feelings herself.
“I mean…” Sam raked a hand through her hair and rubbed at the tired lines at the corners of her eyes. “I guess it has to do with Lake Haven. I knew I wanted to do something for our community, build a place where people felt safe to come and be themselves.”
“And do you feel like you’ve done that?”
“That’s just the thing. I do.” The frustration was now nakedly apparent in Sam’s voice. “But I think I need Lake Haven to have a more meaningful purpose, you know? It’s turned out better than I ever could have imagined, but something’s missing.”
Sara nodded and waited for her to go on.
“Yeah, it’s perfect.” Sam paused, thoughts drifting across her face like blown storm clouds. “And people love it. It has the potential with more advertising and staff to be one of the most successful retreats in the country. I mean, we already have a waiting list for next summer, and with Charlotte running the show, it’s been solidly successful.”
“Okay,” Sara said, leaning up on one elbow. “Let’s go back to that second word you said.”
“Emptiness?”
“That’s it. Tell me more about that.”
“I guess sometimes. Because when I think about doing this for another twenty years, it just feels…”
???“Empty?”
“Yeah.” Sam brought Sara back down and wrapped her in her arms. “That’s exactly it.” Sam’s phone pinged on the bedside table, and she reached over to pick it up. She scanned the text and put it back down. “Do we have plans for dinner tonight?”
“None that I know of. Did I forget something?”
“No, but I think we do now. Th
at was Alex, and she says she has something to show us.”
“Is it about the undercover thing you guys were talking about with Murphy?”
“She didn’t say, but I can’t think of anything else unless she’s coming over to break in Moxie’s basketball court.”
Suddenly, Sara caught the beside clock out of the corner of her eye and bounced out of bed. “I’m supposed to be taking Moxie to town in five minutes, and my hair is still wet. If I don’t at least blow-dry, I won’t be able to fit it in the car with us.”
Sam sat back and smiled, reaching for the last of her croissant as Sara scrambled into jeans and a summer-weight cashmere T-shirt, then slid on a pair of white Tretorns at the last second as she attempted to smooth back the wisps of hair that had escaped from her bun.
Sam tilted her head and looked her up and down. “You look beautiful.”
“You know what makes me love you even more?” Sara stopped in front of the mirror, turning to look at Sam over her shoulder. “I can tell you mean that, even when I look like one of those weather people caught in a hurricane.”
