AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She’s silent for a moment, and then—“You called me at this hour of the night to ask me that? Surely, this could have waited until morning.”
A lifetime of hurt rushes up. It’s a raging torrent I couldn’t stop even if I tried. “Who. Is. My. Father? Tell me! And don’t give me any bullshit. I’m done with every last bit of your bullshit. You will act like a fucking mother for once and give me this information.”
I hear her sigh.
I don’t care about that sigh or how she’s feeling.
In this moment, for the first time in my life, I care only about how I’m feeling.
“Fine, if we must do this now,” she says, “your father’s name is Mike.”
“Surname?” It snaps out of me. I’ve never felt more impatient in my life.
“Mike Carroll. He was a singer. I met him at one of his shows. We were together for a year. He died while I was pregnant with you.”
My heart beats hard against my chest. “He’s dead?”
“Yes, Adeline,” she says snappily. “He died in a car accident.”
My father is dead.
He didn’t leave me, walk out on me, not want to know me.
He died in a car accident before he even had the chance to meet me.
Tears well in my eyes.
“What was he like?” The words tumble out of my mouth in the same way my emotions tumble out of my heart.
She sighs again. “He was a good man.” She might have sighed, but her voice has now softened like she’s remembering something good. “He was kind, and thoughtful, and he loved me more than anyone ever loved me.” She pauses and I get the impression she’s lost in her memories. “He wanted you so badly. He wanted a big family.”
I wipe the tears streaming down my face. “Why did you let me believe Samuel was my father, Mom?” I’m so angry with her right now. And hurt. And unbelievably sad.
“I had no choice, Adeline.”
My anger cracks like a whip. “You had a choice, and you chose to lie to me. Don’t lie to yourself now. Be a mother for once in your goddam life and be honest.”
“If you were a mother, you’d understand. I had to make hard choices.”
“Oh my God, Mom, just stop! Tell me what the hard choices were. Help me understand.”
“Samuel wasn’t a good man. I tried to shelter you from that and take it all myself. You don’t know what I went through with him. He came along just before you were born and was there for me when I needed help. When I needed someone to get me through the days and the nights of you. He made me put his name on the birth certificate.”
“But after he left, why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“Oh, Adeline, there was no need. You thought he was your father. Your birth certificate said it. Why go and stir things up that don’t need stirring?”
I will never understand my mother.
Never.
And I decide right now that I’m not going to try anymore.
Taking a deep breath, I say, “Where is my father buried?”
“Why on earth would you want to know that?”
“Because I want to go and see him,” I snap. “Tell me where he’s buried. Tell me his date of birth. And tell me anything else about him that will help me find him. And then you can get back to being busy and I won’t ever disturb you while you’re busy again.”
