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He nods knowingly. “Did it work?”
“It was the best thing I’ve ever done, and yes, it worked, but not in the way I thought it would.”
This catches all his attention. Well, I already had it all, but everything about him becomes more attentive and it feels like he’s listening even more intently. “In what way did it work?”
“Instead of forgetting him, I’ve started to find me, which has helped me move past him. Forgetting him was my goal, but it was the wrong goal. We don’t forget those we loved. It’s just not possible. But I learned that healing is possible so long as I’m good with the lines that loving well carved into my heart.”
It’s like the room and all the people in it fall away from us as Owen listens to every word I say. It’s just him and me, and this big talk that’s doing big things to me that I don’t want it to be doing.
This was supposed to be a wedding reception I had to just get through because I don’t like wedding receptions. Instead, it’s turning into a party for two. A party I’m actually enjoying.
Owen nods slowly. Thoughtfully. “Loving well does carve lines, doesn’t it?”
“Yes. Some good and some bad. I thought I had to rid myself of the bad ones, but I realized those lines are the currency love trades in. They’re permanent. And while I wanted nothing but to remove them from my heart, getting intimate with them helped me learn so much about myself. I thought I’d made a mistake by loving him. I hadn’t. Loving others is how we learn to love ourselves.”
“I’ve never thought of it like that. I think I agree with you.”
I finish my drink. “Finally. A man who agrees with me without too much encouragement.” I hold my glass out to him. “And now, you should get me another drink.”
He takes my glass and stands. “The same?”
I nod. “Thank you.”
My eyes don’t leave his ass while he walks away from me. It’s a good ass. God, it’s a great ass. One I should not spend time with.
I’m in the middle of pondering just how many hours a week Owen spends maintaining that ass when my bestie texts me.
Dylan: How’s the wedding?
Charlize: Well, I’m two dresses in, nearly three, and I’m having big talk with a guy I shouldn’t be. I may need rescuing. Oh wait, you’re busy tonight and can’t do any rescuing because you’re the worst best friend of life. I forgot that for a moment.
Dylan: I’m not going to touch the dress situation, but a guy who can do big talk? That’s not someone you need rescuing from.
Charlize: Oh, trust me, he is.
Dylan: Babe. It’s time.
Charlize: Don’t you “babe” me. It may be time but it’s far from the right city.
He switches to a call which I answer immediately. “You should not be calling me right now. You have art to show.” Dylan is an artist and is in the middle of a traveling exhibition. He’s showing his art in Chicago tonight.
“I’ve got ten minutes to kill. Talk to me. Tell me again why you can’t date the men in New York.”
“You know why.”
“No, I know some bullshit story about arrogant New York assholes, but may I just remind you I’m not an arrogant asshole. Not all New York men are.”
“You can be arrogant. And an asshole. Just FYI.”
“And yet, here we are twelve years later. I can’t be that bad.”
Dylan has been my bestie since I was fifteen and he was seventeen. He took me under his wing at school when I was being picked on. When I was awkward and anxious and cared too much about what others thought of me. He’s never given any fucks what people think of him and has taught me to do the same.
“You know my history of dating bad guys here. I’m not falling in love in New York again.”
His voice drops into the low tone he uses only with me. The tone that is filled with the kind of care and love a twelve-year friendship cultivates. “Char, bad guys and shitty relationships can be found in every city. You’re being irrational.”
He’s right. I know he is. But still, just the thought of letting my guard down now makes me nervous. I’ve spent twelve months leaving hurt and anger and disappointment behind. And before that there were many years of the same from all the guys I’ve dated and had relationships with. All here, in New York. I can’t help but feel skittish about hooking up with another man here.
