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“Jesus, what have you been doing for the last hour?”
Bradford can be grumpy when he wants to be. Something he likes to refute whenever I mention it, but it’s the truth. It’s also something I find endearing. God knows why, because I don’t find grumpiness endearing when it’s coming from my brothers, but I can’t deny how much I like it in Bradford.
“Ignoring you.” I smile. “I don’t answer numbers I don’t know.”
“Do me a favor and put my number in your phone for the next time I call you.”
Another thing I can’t deny is how much I like the idea of him calling me again. I have no idea how he got my number, but I’m glad he did.
“Are you planning on calling me again?”
“If I see you looking like you did last night again, yes. Are you okay?”
And just like that, the smile he brought out in me disappears.
We saw each other at a charity gala last night. From a distance. And instead of finding a way to meet him on the rooftop like I always do, I stayed with Charlie. Actually, I clung to my boyfriend because I couldn’t face the emotions I knew Bradford would elicit from me if I spoke with him. Because that’s what he does; he’s the only man I’ve ever felt safe enough with to share my raw feelings with. Last night, I didn’t want a thing to do with any of those feelings.
I want to tell him I’m okay, but I know he’ll sense the truth, even over the phone, so I don’t bother lying. “No.” My voice wavers and tears threaten to wet my cheeks again. I’ve spent most of the past three days crying.
“Fuck, Kristen, what’s happened? You looked dreadful last night.”
“Thanks for that. It’s just what every girl wants to hear.”
“You know what I mean.”
I do. He’s always straight to the point and honest. It’s another thing I like about him. There’s no pretense. It means I don’t feel the need to put on a show either.
I take a long breath. “My father stopped me from getting that internship.”
“Why?”
“He told me it was an absurd idea. Apparently, working is a pointless activity for me. He ordered the editor at the magazine to give the internship to someone else.”
“He doesn’t want you to work?”
“No. He told me a woman’s place is behind her man. But then, I knew that. I was silly for thinking I could change his mind.”
“You are as far from silly as you can get. He’s wrong, not you.”
“Well, that may be the case, but he won’t ever change his mind.”
“So, what’s the plan now?”
The plan? I don’t have one yet. Bradford thinks I’m this confident go-getter who will always achieve my goals. I’ve been that person many times in my life, but I don’t feel at all like her this week.
Since my father shattered me three days ago, I’ve hardly left my bedroom. He said awful things to me that he’s never said. Things about what a woman’s place is in the world, things about my lack of ability, and many things about his expectations of me finding a husband and having a family. He hasn’t spoken to me since. But this is what he does, so I shouldn’t expect anything else. I’ll be lucky if he speaks to me in the next two weeks. He tends to freeze people out for long lengths of time when they disappoint him.
“I don’t have a new plan yet.” I hate admitting that to him. Besides my siblings, Bradford’s the only other person in the world who fully believes in me. I wish I had a new plan to share with him.
“You don’t need his permission to do anything.”
“I know, but—” My throat tightens as fear consumes me, and my words cut off. I try desperately to swallow that fear but I can’t.
Losing my father’s approval is the equivalent to losing his love in my messed-up brain. Since the very first time he withdrew his affection from me when I caused him embarrassment at his company’s yearly dinner at the age of seven, I’ve done everything I can to please him. I’m distraught over what happened this week and have been unable to process it. All I know is I need to find a way to fix it.
“Kristen,” Bradford says, his voice a mixture of tenderness and authority, “this is your life. Not his. Don’t let him steal the future you want.”
He’s right.
