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I know he is.
But the vise around my chest makes it hard for me to acknowledge that.
“I won’t. I just need a moment to get my head together.” My words taste like a lie. One I hope he doesn’t pick up on.
“I’m going to check in on you in a few days.”
I like that he says this, that he wants to check in on me. It makes me think about how things could be different for us. I’m happy with Charlie, but I’d be lying if I said I never imagined being with Bradford.
He asked me if I was happy three weeks ago and I said yes. I was happy because I was hopeful I’d get that internship. I’d graduated college and I felt like my life was all ahead of me. And yes, I like being with Charlie. We laugh and have a good time together. But it’s not like the moments I spend with Bradford. That time is precious and I cherish every second of it. I want more of it like I want nothing else and I’ve found myself thinking about ending things with Charlie so I can explore my attraction to Bradford.
“Kristen,” Bradford cuts into my thoughts. “Are you still there?”
“Yes, sorry. I was thinking about you checking in on me. I’d like that.”
He’s silent for a moment and when he speaks again, his voice is rough. “Don’t keep me hanging for an hour when I call next.”
I smile. I love that even when I’m drowning in sadness, he can make me do that. “Will it make you grumpy again if I do? Because I kinda like it when you’re grumpy.”
“I’m not grumpy.”
My smile grows. “Goodbye, Bradford.”
We end the call and I think about the second time we met up on a rooftop. I’d seen him first that night and when he finally laid eyes on me, I nodded my head indicating he should follow me. I wasn’t sure if he would because he was at the gala with his girlfriend. It was exhilarating that he did follow me.
Bradford makes me feel good about myself. He helps me feel like the intelligent woman I know I am but struggle to believe in. I don’t doubt myself when I’m with him. He also makes me feel special and desirable. When I add all of that to the attraction I have to him, I can’t help but think that’s what a partner should bring to the table.
We talked for nearly an hour that second night. I learned of his love for golf and that he and his best friend try to golf together every Saturday morning. I learned about the camping and fishing trips his father took him and his four brothers on throughout their childhood, and how much he loved that time with his family. I discovered that while politics is an expectation his father has for him, it’s important to Bradford for many reasons too. One reason is that ever since he watched a school friend’s family go through the injustice of asbestosis caused by poor regulations, resulting in the death of his friend’s uncle, Bradford has wanted to make a difference in people’s lives.
I’ve come to see that he’s a determined, focused man with a compassionate and emotional side. I’m drawn to every part of him, but it might be his willingness to connect emotionally with me that I appreciate the most. Because if I know one thing about myself, it’s that I struggle with my emotions, and if I want to be the woman Bradford sees in me, the womanIwant to be, I need someone in my life who’ll take the time and care with this side of me. Even if that person is only a friend and nothing more.
Oh, and that grumpiness of his? I like it more than I should. If we ever do take our friendship further, I want to experience a whole lot more of it.
6
Kristen
Three Days Later
In the middle of a week I can only describe as hell, Bradford calls and brings the sun with him. Until today, I’d not have thought that a five-minute phone call could be enough to lift a person, but it is.
“I see you’ve saved my number,” he says when I answer his call.
I smile for the first time since he last helped me do that. “I was given strict instructions not to keep you hanging for an hour the next time you called, so I kinda had to save it.”
“If only everyone was as compliant as you.”
“I detect your signature grumpiness. Is there trouble somewhere in your paradise?”
He blows out a long breath. “Next question.”
I settle back against the couch I’m sitting on. “No, you don’t get to do that if I don’t. Tell me who’s ruffling your feathers.”
“Ruffling my feathers?” Amusement has overtaken his grumpiness. I like that I caused it.
“Yes, I imagine you stalking around your office with those feathers all ruffled.”
“Jesus, I need to give you better material to work with.”
