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I squeeze my legs together.
I’d really like that material.
But since I still haven’t done anything about breaking up with Charlie, because my entire life has centered around my father this week, I don’t encourage this conversation. Instead, I prod him to open up. “Who made you grumpy today?”
“A work colleague who needs to learn to have some fucking respect for women.”
Bradford rarely swears when he’s with me. It tells me a lot that he just swore. “You sound stressed.”
“Yeah. I need some time off. And for people to do what I say. But let’s not get into that. I’ve only got a few minutes before my next meeting and I want to check in on you. How are you?”
“I’m sad. And hurt. And angry. But I’m okay.”
“Have you come up with a plan?”
I really want to be able to tell him I have, but I haven’t. “Can I say I’m still in the middle of figuring that out?”
His voice softens as he says, “Yes. You don’t have to have everything figured out, Kristen. It’s okay to not have a plan.”
I frown. “I can’t imagine you ever doing anything in life without a plan.”
“You’d be surprised.”
Those three words help clear the air clogging my lungs. I’ve always felt the need to have myself together, to have my life mapped out, to know where I’m going next. It’s tiring. And it’s anxiety-causing. Knowing that a man like Bradford, who seems so put together and sure of himself, doesn’t always have a map for his life helps me feel like it’s okay for me not to.
I take a breath before saying the words that scare me. “I think I’m going to get a job.”
“Good for you.”
“I’m not sure what kind of job yet, but I’ll figure that out.”
“You will. You’ll figure everything out that you need.”
God, his belief in me is thrilling. It makes me think I can do anything I put my mind to.
“Shit,” he says, “I have to go. I’m sorry.”
“Thank you for calling,” I say softly. I want to say so much more but I hold myself back. I might be okay sharing some of the things that scare me with Bradford, but my feelings for him are bigger than any I’ve known. I need to sort through them on my own for a little longer.
“I’m always here for you, Kristen.”
And then he’s gone.
And I know, surer than ever, that I have to end my relationship with Charlie.
7
Kristen
Six Months Later
“Kris,” Jenna, my sister says as I glance around the gala to see who’s arrived. “I need you to fix my hair.” When I don’t respond straight away, because I’m madly searching for the man I haven’t seen in four months, the man I’m desperate to see, she says, “Kristen. Are you listening to me?”
I bring my gaze to her. “Yes. I was just looking for someone.”
“Who?”
I wave her off. “Just someone I need to speak with.” I’ve never told anyone about my friendship with Bradford. I like having him just for myself.
