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I take deep breaths for a long time and push the anger from my body.
And then I think.
I think about what I have to do today. Pilates, errands, home stuff, and letting Johnathon know about dinner with my parents tonight.
I think about the job Dad’s giving me.
I think about the wedding dress I’m probably going to choose.
I think about the honeymoon we’re planning to take in Greece.
I think about where Johnathon and I might like to live after we’re married.
And I force all my unwanted feelings over Bradford back into the box they belong in. The box I intend on throwing away just as soon as I can shut the damn thing.
Johnathon is not cheating on me.
He just isn’t.
Bradford needs to get his eyes checked.
And he needs to stop paying attention to any of my details.
When he texts me an hour later, I think about blocking his number.
Bradford: We’re not done. We are far from done. Good friends don’t walk away when things get hard, Kristen.
16
Kristen
Monday arrives faster than I prefer, especially since Johnathon and I spent a whole day together yesterday, wrapped up in each other in our bed. He made love to me on and off all day. In between, we talked about our wedding, finalizing some plans. He was even more attentive than he usually is. It was bliss and I never wanted the day to end.
I didn’t bother bringing up what Bradford told me. There was no point because I fully trust Johnathon. His actions aren’t those of a man who doesn’t love me. And he’s not a man who needs to look for sex somewhere else. I give him sex whenever he wants. We have a fantastic sex life. I even give him blowjobs when we’re out sometimes. I know he loves that, so I make it a point to do it for him.
He made love to me again this morning before leaving for work and he’s texted me a few times during the day letting me know he’s been thinking about me.
At around three p.m., he texts me.
Johnathon: A last minute work meeting has come up for the weekend, babe. It’s in London. Friday to Sunday. I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend Lesley’s party with you on Saturday.
My heart sinks. I really don’t want to attend Lesley’s engagement party on my own. God, how I don’t want to do that. Lately, she’s taken to noting how often Johnathon misses a party or a social function.You must hate attending everything on your own, Kristen. I took great pains to have her note I don’t attend everything on my own. We’ve been friends since school, but lately I’ve been feeling less inclined to spend time with her.
Me: I could come with you. I don’t need to attend Lesley’s party.
Johnathon: No, babe. I’ll be busy working all weekend. There’s no point in you coming. You may as well go the party.
Me: I don’t really want to go to be honest. And I’m okay if you’re working all weekend. I can occupy myself. It’s London, after all!
Johnathon: No. I can’t see it happening. How about you and I go away at the end of the month? I’ll take a weekend off for it.
He can’t see it happening? I have no idea what he means by that, but I know him well enough not to harass him with a question about it.
Me: That sounds perfect. I’ll start thinking about where we can go.
If there’s one thing I want to be, it’s a wife who doesn’t nag her husband. I shudder at the thought. No, my mother taught me by example that not clinging and not dwelling in the hard moments is one of the keys to a long marriage. From a young age, I watched her hold down the fort at home while Dad worked hard. I watched her spend her time raising four children without complaint. I learned that compromise is important.
I intend on enjoying a lifetime of marriage to Johnathon, and I know that will involve give-and-take.
