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Four
Regret filled me the instant the stinging remark slithered off my tongue. That wouldn’t make me apologize. A twisted pride knotted like a spider’s web throughout my ribs.
Each step of the way, I ensured our distance. Brittle tension followed, connecting us despite the gap. Guilt pricked at the back of my neck as awkward seconds passed.
Levi looked up to my father. In some ways, I could see where Levi mimicked his style after him. And a decade ago he was one of my fans when I was a rising teen star.
That didn’t change my feelings about our collaboration. Levi’s admiration of my family’s musical history wouldn’t sway me in his favor. One glance at the healing gash on his nose reminded me of who and what he was—a swaggering, arrogant rockstar.
Levi took it in stride. He wanted to say more. I read it in the softness around his eyes. Thanks to my constant scowl, he refrained from doing so.
After changing the subject, he gave me a brief tour of the studio downstairs. A side door opened into a dimly lit control room. Low blue lights edging the ceiling and the matte black walls gave the room a darkly comforting energy. A low tufted, brown leather couch sat under massive canvases of additional posters on the left wall. Next to the couch, I noticed a drink bar with a mini fridge containing various drinks and a luxury coffee maker on top that I instantly envied.
A square stone coffee table divided the center of the space. To the right, I found digital equipment. Panels of recording devices, wide monitors, microphones, and speakers that were larger than my head.
On the back wall, I obsessed over the dozen guitars hanging there. A range of Ibanez, Fender, and Gibson in a span of colors with varying types of classical, acoustic, and electric.
Strolling into the room to gape at the guitars, I noticed a glass window behind the three monitors giving a peek into the recording room. I peered through the glass and my jaw gradually dropped as I admired each painfully expensive instrument within.
I nearly swooned at the glittering red drum set and grand piano staring back at me. It whispered at me, beckoning me to sit and put my hands on the keys and play. My finger twitched at my side, excited at the thought.
A spark of light I hadn’t felt in months winked behind my ribs. The smallest flare of a desire to create reawakened in the inspiring space. Levi broke me out of my trance before my dreams got carried away.
“You have access to the entire first floor here. The studio and all the instruments.” He rubbed the back of his neck when I blinked at him. “Anything you need to write, really.”
“How come I’ve never heard of this studio before? It’s nice,” I grudgingly admitted.
Levi’s eyes sparkled at the compliment. “That’s because it’s my personal studio.”
“Oh. What’s upstairs?” I shouldn’t have asked.
“That’s my personal room up there, and the rule is you have to be naked to get in.” The wicked smile kicking up his mouth caused my veins to pulse under my skin.
I didn’t want to have a physical reaction to him.
My anger snapped back, stronger than my respect for his workspace. A haughty scoff jumped past my lips. “God, you’re just like every other annoying rock star, aren’t you? I bet all you want to do is fuck bitches and do drugs.”
“That’s not a very nice assumption. You don’t know me.” Levi’s tone dropped defensively. Displeasure darkened his tone and the brutal scar over his nose made him appear menacing.
Every visceral ounce of my agitation bubbled up and bowled over me. The tidal wave propelled over me, spurred on by a past wound I’d never fully recovered from.
“Am I even safe here alone with you? Men like you take advantage of women when they’re alone, and no one would ever believe me if I said anything against you. You’d get away with it and I’d—”
No matter how deeply I gasped, air wouldn’t fill my lungs. They expanded yet remained empty. Ice shards raced in my blood, coursing faster because of my drumming heart. My skin restricted my muscles, tightening and squeezing until the room blurred.
“Diana, breathe. What’s wrong?” Firm hands grasped my shoulders.
Memories I’d fought for years to bury reared up when he grabbed me. Ugly monstrous memories that roared and mocked me. Agony and fear skittered through my bones and threatened to drag me into the pit of despair growing beneath my feet. I swayed unsteadily because of the lack of air.
“Shit,” Levi cursed. I didn’t notice him guiding me back until my bottom landed on the solid leather couch. As soon as I went down, he backed away, raising his hands in the air. “I’m not touching you. See, you’re okay.”
His back met the chair in front of the control panels. The squeak of leather and clatter of its wheels over the floor when he bumped the chair helped me focus on my surroundings once again. One breath at a time, until the blurred edges of my vision cleared.
Stiff and trembling, I tipped my head up to Levi across the room. The stone table separating us might as well have been a wall. He remained frozen with his hands in the air.
The distress and pity in his eyes punched me in the gut.
Levi knew me, and he remembered my father. That meant he would have seen the news when my father died, and he’d remember the articles that came after. Half the world might never forget the incident that ruined my life and made me leave the industry.
