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I took what Vivi said to heart and decided she was right. Neither of us asked to be in the position we were in. I got why he did what he did, but that didn’t mean he loved me. Part of me still believed he married me out of some obligation.
Deciding to take it one day at a time, I knew I wanted to get to know Kansas. He’d intrigued me from the first moment I saw him.
The whole club did.
I didn’t understand the dynamics, but I was willing to learn.
Club life was so very different from the life I grew up in. In a lot of ways, it was simpler. Easier. That was something I could get behind. I never wanted the lifestyle my grandfather envisioned for me. I hated all the rules and regulations that went with it. I just wanted to be me.
Only I didn’t know who I was.
For this to work between Kansas and me, I was going to have to learn who I was and what I really wanted. My whole life grandfather protected me, ensured that I had the best of everything and though he believed he was doing the right thing, he kept me closed off, protected from the real world. Most kids grew up able to spread their wings and discover what made them who they were. Grandfather protected me and gave me everything. Hell, I wasn’t even allowed to cut my hair. For as long as I could remember, my hair hung to my waist.
“Vivi?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you know of a good hairdresser?”
“Why?”
“I want to cut my hair.”
“Are you serious!”
“I want this to work between me and Kansas. For that to happen, I need to figure out what I like and don’t like. I am tired of doing what everyone tells me to do. I never wore heels because John believed them to be whorish. He preferred my hair long and straight. I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup. No jewelry except for my wedding ring. Hell, Vivi, he even hated it when I wore perfume. I was just an object for him to dress up when the mood suited him. My whole life, I’ve been told what to wear and how to act. No more. I want to cut my hair.”
Smiling, Vivi stood and extended her hand. Taking it, she pulled me up and hugged me. “Are you sure about this because once it’s cut, there’s no going back?”
I nodded. “I know. It’s exciting, isn’t it?”
“Girl, Kansas isn’t going to know what hit him.”
“Oh my God.”
Stunned, I couldn’t stop looking at the reflection, staring back at me. I couldn’t believe it. I had done it. I had cut my hair, but I didn’t stop there. Oh no, apparently when I put my mind to something I went all out.
“Holy crap, you look fucking hot!” Vivi smiled as she stood behind me. “I mean, really fucking hot. I love what they did with your scar. It’s fucking perfect. You can barely tell, Kali. Fuck. Kansas is going to bust a nut when he sees you.”
My long blonde hair had six inches chopped off. It now hung loosely past my bra strap in soft, billowy waves. I’d always had a natural wave to my hair, and the hairdresser exposed that. But to add some definition, the hairdresser talked me into a black undertone. When I moved my head, everyone would see the black underneath. It was the most daring thing I’d ever done. When my hair was done, the hairdresser even did my makeup, giving me dark smokey eyes and bright red lips. She artfully covered the scar that ran down the side of my face, making it barely noticeable.
I looked nothing like the woman who walked in earlier.
For the first time in my life, I felt happy with my appearance.
“That look is a statement, honey,” the hairdresser agreed.
“Yeah, but her clothes say otherwise,” the makeup artist added.
“I agree,” Vivi nodded. “And I know just the place to fix that. Come on Kali. We’re going shopping!”
The clubhouse was thumping when Vivi pulled into the parking lot later that evening. Several bikes lined the front as music blasted loudly. Vivi had told me that Mrs. Worthington had taken the kids over to the penthouse and offered to stay the night so I could have some time to myself. Since I still wasn’t technically able to care for my kids properly, I was grateful for her help.
Part of me wanted to rush home and just forget about my newfound strength. Who was I kidding? Deep down I was still the quiet little mouse who did as she was told. Even though I had fun with Vivi, I still felt scared. Scared that I’d gone too far. Scared that when Kansas saw what I did, he would get angry. Now I was a little apprehensive about walking into the clubhouse.
Now I felt a little apprehensive about walking into the clubhouse.
I looked nothing like I did this morning.
