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She stepped back.
The look of hurt that washed across her face made me feel like dog shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe.
“Oh, Fi,” I said. “I didn’t mean that. Not the way it sounded.”
“So I showed up and fucked up everything. That’s right. It’s always my fault. Always Fiona’s fault. It was my fault that Remi brought you home, right? My fault that I thought you were cute. My fault that you enjoyed me having a crush on you. Oh, wait, it was also my fault that you wanted to sneak around with me in your car.” Fiona touched her chin. “And it was my fault you were distracted and angry and crashed your car that night too.”
“Fiona,” I growled.
“Oh, I’m not done, Griffin. Because it was also my fault that I wanted to fuck you. That I wanted you to fuck me. My fault that I enjoyed my needs being taken care of, right? Oh, wait, back up a little. I forgot about the bus crash. That was my fault too. I somehow crashed that bus. Isn’t it fun being me? My brother was going to die and he wanted you to give me a painting I did for him when I was a kid. That was his good luck charm. He wanted to die in that bus crash as some kind of martyr or something. You saved his life but that wasn’t good enough. That was somehow my fault too. So that’s what I do.That’s what Fiona does.She shows up and fucks everything up.”
“No, sweetheart,” I said. “That’s not what happens at all. You showed up and made my life feel whole. I feel complete right now when I’m near you.”
“Riff, stop,” she said. “I’m going to do something I should have done a long time ago. I’m going to leave.”
She took a step and I blocked her way.
“Get the fuck out of my way, Griffin,” she said. “Right now.”
I don’t know why I did it… but I moved out of her way.
I thought she needed a second to blow off some steam.
She left.
Door open. Door shut.
I thought she needed to go for a walk.
Cool off. Think a little.
Not for a second did I really think I would lose the woman I loved.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
FIONA
Ilooked at my phone.
A few minutes until midnight came and went.
I stood at a window with small shelves built around it, plants on every shelf.
Somewhere out in the darkness there was the ocean.
Every now and again I’d catch sight of the whitecaps of the waves.
My phone vibrated in my hand.
A reminder that another text message waited for me to read and not respond to.
Fi. I remember the first time I met you. Should have known right then you were the only thing that mattered in my life. I love you. I think I’ve always loved you but could never figure out what that meant or what it truly felt like.
I blinked a few times and fought back tears.
Underneath that text message was one from my brother.
Fiona - just tell me you’re safe. You don’t even have to tell me where you are (even though I can guess).
