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“No.”
A few seconds passed.
“Can I explain?” I asked.
“Sure. I think we need that drink though.”
“I warned you, Riff. It’s a crazy idea.”
“No, it’s not crazy, Fi. It’s a bad idea. A really bad idea.”
“That too,” I said.
A minute or so later, I sat on the couch and Riff sat in a chair with one foot up on the coffee table.
Each of us with a glass of whiskey and ice.
He stared at me with curious eyes.
Sexy eyes.
This is why we just keep things to sex.
So much easier to get naked and wiggle on him than talk to him.
“I know it’s risky and insane,” I said. “I’m not naive. I might change my mind ten minutes from now, okay? I’m just thinking. Sometimes I like to think out loud. And I guess I trust you, Riff. Okay?”
“Stop sayingokay,” he growled. “Just spit it all out, Fi.”
“I want a break from everything.”
“A break?”
“Yeah. A break.”
“A break,” he said again. “You want a break? Go on vacation. Go on a cruise. Fly halfway around the world and meet some men who can teach you a new language in between the sheets.”
“You want me to leave and go fuck other guys?”
“What do I care?” Riff asked.
“Riff, just listen to me,” I said. “I want a break and I want to be here. I want to hide. I want to be… unseen. I lost my job. I don’t want to talk about it. I also don’t want to run out and find another just to prove something to myself. Same with guys. That situation with Dave? Insane. I keep replaying it. Wondering if I did something wrong. If I led him on at all, to make him think we were close enough to actually become engaged.”
I looked at Riff and I took a deep breath.
I slowly exhaled.
“I’m sorry, Riff. This is too much.”
“I’m not saying a word. I’m listening.”
“In my head, it made sense. It still does. I just crash here. We’re good together. You know? We get along. We respect each other. We know what this is. I don’t think I’m in the way too much. I hope not. I just…”
“You just want a break.”
“Exactly.”
Riff shook his head. “Fi, this can’t work. This can’t happen. We can’t function like this. I have to be reasonable here.”
