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“I’d cut your balls off if you took off on me like that.”
I grabbed my junk in fear. Talia wasn’t the type to joke over physical harm.
“Did your mom know?”
“No, but that’s kind of my fault. He showed up in Cali to help me while I was out there. I didn’t even know he was coming.”
“How did he know you were there?”
“Ares probably, I didn’t ask. Noah has a way of figuring things out and most of the time, I don’t want the details.”
I held a cup of coffee out to her, and she took a seat at the counter. “You didn’t tell me what happened when you found him.”
“I was hoping you’d forget to ask.”
“Leo, if I am going to move on, like really move on, then I think I need to know.”
I watched as she looked over at me expectantly, and I could tell she wasn’t going to let me put this off for much longer. Fear swept through my body at the thought of explaining to her how we took out Carter and his men as part of an organized hit. Sure, she knew I had killed before and even saw the evidence of it, but these constant conversations didn’t paint me in the best light and the thought of what I do scaring her was terrifying to me.
Regaining Control
Talia
Itusedtotakea lot for me to spend the day in bed or lounging around on the couch. Raven was the one who could easily be convinced that a day of nothing was worthwhile, but I always felt guilty. Now, with Leo in the middle of nowhere, I was starting to understand the appeal of doing nothing. The day he told me all about what happened in California was hard. I knew what to expect, but hearing it was a completely different situation. I had so much hate for Carter that I expected once I knew he was gone, it would just go away. It didn’t. Instead, I was left with unresolved feelings of frustration and memories of the hell he put me through.
“I spoke with Anthony about setting up a scene to regain control over my memories.”
I felt Leo’s body tense before he let out a slow breath. “This is something that’s important to you, isn’t it?”
“It is. I’ve done a bunch of research and talked through some of what I may go through with Anthony as well. I want to do this, Leo. I trust you and I feel like it’s something I need to happen in order to move on.”
I moved as he sat up and looked at me. “Talia, I will do anything for you, but I don’t want to cause you any more harm.”
“It won’t be that way, and if it gets to be too much, we can use a safe word.”
He smiled, “You really have done your research, haven’t you?”
“I have. I knew it would be important to take this seriously, and I didn’t want you to feel like it was all on your shoulders.”
“Tell me what you are considering.”
“That night when I was held down, I felt completely lost. I’ve never been in a situation that I couldn’t get out of. I want you to restrain me, tie me down so I can’t move.”
“How do you want me to handle things when it triggers memories of what happened?”
“Remind me it’s you. That you are with me. I don’t want you to let me loose unless I use my safe word or if I’m too far gone to recognize I need it.”
“If it becomes too much for me to see you through this, how would you like me to handle it?”
“You can have a safe word too.”
“What else? How do you want to feel during the scene?”
“I need that loss of control, but I need it to be you this time. I want to look up into your eyes and know I’m safe.”
“Is this a sexual scene or simply a restriction of movements?”
“I’ve thought about that, too. Because of what Miles did, I think I want it to be more than just restraints. I want you to make me come.”
