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“Um, school got out this past Friday for spring break. Remember I had the spring festival that I spent weeks planning for the kids?” Surprise hit his face for a moment before he nods, acting as though he actually remembers.“Well, anyway, I’m glad you were able to meet me here. We both know I hate change, so please know that I’m seriously considering this. I need you not to take it lightly because I really feel like this is what I need to do, so I’d like to add it to our plan for the year. Anyway, I’m blabbering on and on . . . but I’m wondering how you feel about us possibly moving to my hometown? Even if just temporarily.”
The surprise in his face turns to full-blown shock. “I’m sorry—wh—what? Move? To Lake View? Come on, Autumn, you can’t be serious. You said it yourself that you’d never move back there even if someone paid you a billion dollars to do so.”
“Yes, I’m serious about Lake View, or even just somewhere close to it. Liam, I really feel like I need to be closer to my family in North Carolina right now. Trust me, I can’t believe I’m saying it either.”
He scoffs. “This is a terrible idea. I have to put my foot down with this. It’s a no.”
“Put your foot down? Excuse me! You’re not even going to hear me out first?” The desperation in my voice announces itself.
He blows out a large breath. “It’s not that, honey. It’s just that I know what’s best for us and moving to your hometown is not a part our plan. You know this. Plus, my business is booming. Aren’t you happy with all these things I’ve provided for you?”
I take a moment to process his response. We’ve always been a good team because we’re so alike—we love to be prepared and plan all we can. Maybe we can’t plan our whole lives as well as we thought we could. After a moment, I say, “I am so appreciative of your hard work and all the things we have, but I really need to be with my family right now.”
This isn’t just me wanting to move back to be closer to family. I have to do it for Summer. I lean forward in an attempt to straighten my posture. I need to be with Summer, so I need to act like Summer. She would never beat around the bush with the important stuff, so I’m just going to jump straight to it. I should be the one putting my foot down, damn it.
Liam beats me to it. “Look, I will fly you out to your family whenever you need. We can afford it, but I don’t think we should just uproot our wonderful lives here in Connecticut and move to that tiny beach town. I can’t believe how completely selfish you’re being right now.”
Ouch. He knows that the last thing I ever want to be described as is selfish. My eyes briefly shift toward the Rolex watch peeking out from under his button-down Armani shirt.
“Excuse me,” I scoff. “Are you not even curious as to why I need to move back? You claim I’m being selfish, and yet you won’t even bother to hear me out. It’s an instant no for you at the mere mention of it.”
He uses his hands to push himself away from the table. His defense mode activates. “You really invited me to coffee to pick a fight with me today, didn’t you?” He crosses his arms, but then lifts his right one up to hold up his head. He adds, “Autumn, I can’t do this anymore.”
Those words trigger me. They bring me back to the night Zayn left me. But with Zayn, I never saw it coming. I was naive and thought we’d last forever. Our relationship wasn’t conventionally perfect, but it was perfect for me.
Sometimes I wonder if that’s why I said yes to Liam’s proposal in the first place. I didn’t want that unpredictable love, with passion so hot that it sets your soul aflame. Everyone knows that kind only burns out quickly. I wanted the opposite—steady and predictable—just like what my parents have. And at the time, Liam checked all my boxes: (1) comes from good family, (2) holds a stable job, (3) is financially savvy, (4) likes to plan and set future goals, and (5) wants exactly two kids. Most importantly, I liked that we both shared an aversion to risk and a need for control—we tried to plan out everything. He was supposed to be the perfect partner who would never hurt me. Liam and I make sense. We’re predictable. Unfortunately, the only thing unpredictable about my love with Liam is that it’s been a complete facade. All we do is pretend to be something we’re not.
“Liam,” I reach for his hand, but he moves it away before I can grab it. I withdraw my hand, briefly feeling the physical rejection trying to overpower the emotional. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath before I exhale and release those excruciatingly painful words. “Summer is dying.”
A tear forms in his left eye as it stares so deeply into my own. His lips part and his jawslowly drops. He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. What is there really to say after that bomb has been dropped? I watch as his forehead falls into both of his hands. He rubs his temples with his palms until they meet his cheeks. He glances around the coffee shop until looking back to me. He releases his hands from his face.
“Autumn, I—” He pauses. “I—I don’t really even know what to say. Shit. I’m so sorry.” I know he is sorry. This is the genuine Liam I fell in love with. Deep down, he really is a good guy. But he’s become so consumed with himself, infatuated by the superficial life we’ve both been living. Surprise finds me when I see his hand reaching out for mine. He cups my hand in his, and I don’t pull back. After all these years, he’s still a safe space for me. I exhale. I know he cares about me and my family, and I know he loves me.
“Thank you. I’m sorry, too. If I knew what to say, you know I’d say it,” I say. He nods his head in agreement. We both know how talkative I always am.
He releases my hand. Bringing his fist to his mouth, he blows his breath into it. He looks back to me. “So, how long does she have? Her cancer returned?”
I close my eyes to try to protect my heart from those words: Cancer. Returned.
Breast cancer. Yet again. Why is life so damn cruel sometimes? I can’t imagine life without my sister. She is more a part of me than I am part of myself. Summer knows me inside and out, and better than anyone ever can or will.
We allow each other to just be for a while. Sitting, merely existing together in silence, in the middle of a noisy coffee shop. The barista interrupts the silence when he asks if there’s anything else he can get for us. I manage to shake my head, but my eyes don’t stray from Liam’s.
A few moments later, the check arrives. We both return to pretending everything is normal. Liam signs the check, thanks the server a final time, and gives me the ready-to-leave nod.
As he stands up and grabs his jacket from behind the chair, his work bag falls to the ground. He instantly picks up his laptop to inspect its condition. I bend down, trying to help organize all the papers that fell out by placing them back into folders for him. I grab one that looks like a legal document. It’s labeled, ‘Petition for Dissolution of Marriage.’ My whole body tenses. I look over to him, but he is still ensuring there’s nothing wrong with his laptop. I let out a long breath, shakily placing the final papers back into the sleeve of a folder. I grab the couple of pens that fell out, too, before standing up.
“Here you go,” I say, handing him the spilled contents from the bag. I’m not sure if I should bring it up. What if it’s not even his? Or what if it is? I mean, sure, we’ve been going through the motions the past couple years, but neither of us has ever mentioned the word ‘divorce.’
Once he places the re-packed satchel onto his shoulder, he reaches his hand out for mine. I allow my hand to fall into his, to help steady my weak knees more than anything.
“So, where do we go from here?” Liam asks as if it’s just an ordinary day for us. There’s so much to unpack from this loaded question, but I allow my shoulders to answer him with a shrug.
“Here, how about we chat outside for a bit before I head back to the office?” His arm spreads itself around my lower back, still protecting me as if I’m his. As if he isn’t hiding divorce papers in his bag. My stomach grumbles with fear of so many unknowns. He’s probably about to bring it up the minute we make our way out that door.
He holds the door to the coffee shop open for me as I step outside. Outside of the door. Outside of my comfort zone. Outside of my reality. Outside of my perfect life.
“Oh wow, what an asshole,” Mom says.
