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But when the mattress dipped right next to my hip, that was all it took. The tears began silently running down my face. Gentle fingers closed around one bicep while a big hand splayed across my upper back and urged me forward. The second my cheek came into contact with his broad chest, I began to cry and couldn’t stop myself from grabbing a fistful of his shirt.
“Just let go, baby. I’ve got you,” I heard Lincoln whisper, and then his lips brushed over the back of my neck.
The dam broke at that point. The wall in my head that had taken me years and years to build and even longer to patch up by slicing my skin open time and time again came crashing down and every hurt, every cruel word, every shameful act, every lie came spilling out all at once. For the first time in my entire life, I let someone else take it all.
But I knew when the tears stopped, I’d have to rebuild that wall, and the only way I’d be able to do that was to leave behind the one man who’d managed to bring it down in the first place.
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
LINCOLN
Iwas in a full-on panic the next morning when I woke up alone in Theo’s bed. Seeing his bag on the floor next to the bed where I’d shoved it so I could lay him down on the soft comforter was the only thing that kept me from tearing downstairs like a wild man to search for him.
The night before, I hadn’t been anywhere near prepared for Theo’s reaction when I’d wrapped my hand around his hard dick, especially since he’d been responding so passionately from the second I’d kissed him. He’d even called out my name in pleasure as I’d used my mouth to explore his upper body. At one point I’d felt his fingers twisting in my hair as I’d explored him.
When he’d shoved at me as he’d yelled the word “Don’t,” I’d immediately backed off. My first thought had been that I was going too fast, which I probably was since I hadn’t even intended to kiss him in the first place. But when he’d admitted that he’d been upset at the thought that I’d been with someone else, I’d lost every last bit of control I’d been hanging on to from the moment I’d entered his room.
After everything went to hell and Theo had drawn himself into the same self-preservation position on his bed, the headboard at his back, his knees protecting his front, I’d known that whatever was happening to him had nothing to do with me. I might have inadvertently triggered the event but his inability to hide within himself like he usually did had said more than words ever could have. Whatever thing lived inside him, that protected him from the brutalities he’d experienced in his past, hadn’t been strong enough to keep all that pain at bay. Even if I’d left the room as he’d asked, I’d known that no matter how many times he drew a razor blade over his skin or beat his fist against some part of body, it wouldn’t be enough.
I’d taken a huge risk by sitting down next to him on the bed and touching him, but thankfully my instincts had been right on track. When he’d wrapped his arms around me and buried his face against my chest as sobs tore viciously through his body, I’d been able to keep it together to give him what he’d needed, but inside I’d been dying. By the time he’d quieted and ultimately fallen asleep in my hold, I’d shed my own fair share of tears. I’d managed to position our bodies on the bed so we’d both be more comfortable. Theo hadn’t woken up, but he’d murmured words in his sleep throughout the night as I’d held him.
No.
Don’t.
Stop.
Please.
He’d repeated the same words over and over, but it was the last one, “Please,” that had always come out differently when he’d said it. There had been an edge of defiance in the first three words but when he said “Please,” I could hear the distinct difference. They’d broken him at that point.
I glanced at my watch and saw that it was late. I hurried to the bathroom to take a piss and swirl some mouthwash around in my mouth before spitting it out and then rushed down the stairs. I could hear voices coming from the living room at the front of the house, but I did a quick search of the kitchen first. By the time I reached the living room, things had quieted down a bit.
“Look who’s finally up. Get your dong looked after, Nurse Man?” Walter asked. He and Lenny were sitting on the couch with Puddles between them. Ford was sitting in an armchair across the coffee table from them.
“Morning,” Ford said. “Or afternoon, rather,” he said with a glance at his watch and a sly smile.
So everyone assumed I’d slept in because I’d gotten lucky the night before.
God, if only.
If any of the men had known what had taken place on the third floor of the house the night before, it would be utter chaos. Whether Theo liked it or not, his association with Ford had already made him part of the family, while I was the outsider who was only here for however long it took to get Walter’s health to a point where Lenny and the rest of the men could take over.
“Everything okay?” I asked. I was completely out of sorts but could only hope it didn’t show. “Walter, do you need anything? I’m sorry—”
“Psht,” Walter responded with a wave of his hand. “If I’d have had as long a dry spell as you have, Abe, I woulda made sure I couldn’t walk the next day. Top or bottom be damned.”
Despite the jumble of knots my insides felt like they were in, I managed a smile at Walter’s comment. It wasn’t the first time he’d called me Abe—the man loved calling me anything besides my actual name, and when it wasn’t the Abraham Lincoln or car brand references, it usually ended up having to do with my profession.
I heard Ford moan while Lenny said something to Walter I couldn’t hear.
“Everything okay in here?” I asked since it was unusual for the men to be sitting in the living room in the middle of the day. Lenny and Walter usually watched TV in the den or sat outside on warmer days and admired the flowers in the small garden Lenny had planted. Ford typically spent his days painting in either the studio he rented in town or the one he had at home that Cam had had built as an addition to the garage.
“Yeah, we were just having a little family meeting about our four-legged princess putting on a few pounds,” Ford said.
“My girl could be die’n,” Walter said as he pointed a wrinkled finger at Ford.
“I already called Sawyer,” he responded calmly. “He’s going to tell you the same thing as me. It’s all those damn Doritos you keep feeding her!”
