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“Good. Be sorry.” I snap my arm from his hold and take a step back to give myself space. “Youshouldhurt for what you did to me. I didn’t deserve it.” I sniff, and blink the itch from the backs of my eyes. “You said cruel things to me, Axel. To soothe your own fragile feelings.”
“I was trying to make our break clean,” he groans. “I was trying to force your hand. To make you falloutof love. To save you.”
“Well…” I bring my gaze up, tear-filled and pathetic, and look directly into his eyes. “Mission accomplished. I fell out of love. With you, and with myself.”
His face pales, almost like I calledhima pathetic whore.
“But you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve spent the last seven months finding myself again. Falling in love with who I am. And you know what?” I turn on my heels and snatch up a pair of food prep gloves. “I like who I found.” I slip the rubber onto my hands and head back to my prep area to dispose of the bloodied cutting board and knife. “I’m worthy, Axel. I’m beautiful. I’m smart, and strong, and worthy.” Then I spin, knife in hand, and point it in his direction. “And you should be ashamed for making me question that.”
“I am.” He takes a step forward, unafraid of my weapon. “I’m deeply ashamed.”
“I hope it kept you awake at night. I hope it ate you up while you were gone and trying to rest.”
“It did.” He swallows and takes another step forward. “It was my constant companion every single day. Every time I jumped toward a fire. Every single morning while we were running drills, I was sorry.”
“I’m glad.” I set my knife and board in the sink, then grab a fresh set so I can get back to work. “But you can let it go now.” I select a new pepper and start slicing. “I found myself. And I’m pretty pleased with who I discovered. We were both so young…”
I laugh, though it’s a humorless sound. “We still are. You spent so much energy on the fact I was nineteen, you didn’t stop to remember you were only twenty-one. But that means you’ve learned a lesson. Next time you meet someone special, I sincerely hope you treat her better, because women already have it tough in this world. Especially young women.”
I keep my eyes on my work. Focused, purely so I don’t turn and show him my tears. “We already doubt ourselves enough. We don’t need the guys we consider our heroes piling on.” I tilt my head to the right but continue slicing. “Please let yourself out. The door will lock on its own.”
“Han…”
I feel his warmth against my back. But I can’t stand here any longer and continue to ask him to leave if he insists on staying. I’m not strong enough.
“I’m glad we could clear the air,” I lie. “Now you can come and go with a clean conscience, and I can feel good that I spoke my feelings. Let’s just let sleeping dogs lie.” I drag my bottom lip between my teeth and glance over my shoulder.
A mistake, because our noses almost touch, and his eyes drop to the tears in mine.
“Pleaselet sleeping dogs lie,” I beg.
“I’m going to kiss you.” He brings his hand up and wraps it around my throat so his palm hugs my pulse and the warmth of his skin spreads all the way down to my toes. “I know you’re hurt. And fuck knows, this is still me selfishly taking more than you’re offering.” He comes closer. Closer. “But I’m a prisoner to you, Hannah. I always have been. And seven months is a long time to go without a taste.”
“Axel.” My throat is dry. My heart thundering. “Don’t.”
“Tell me to stop if you don’t want this.” Closer, so his breath bathes my tongue, and his thumb strokes my neck. “Use that word, Hannah.Stop. And I’ll go away, I promise.”
“Axel…” My breath catches, but I don’t say the word.
Why can’t I say stop?
I gasp when his lips touch mine. Cry when his tongue gently slips past them to love. To lave. Tears spring free of my eyes and linger amongst my lashes, but I don’t tell him to stop.
I can’t. I never have been able to.
“I love you.” His breath sprints, filling my lungs and tapping my chin when he takes a single inch of space. “Every single time you told me and I didn’t say it back, I was lying to us both.” He kisses again, his tongue stroking mine, and his lungs swallowing my exhale of air. “I was trying to protect us.”
“Axel—”
“You don’t have to say it back.” He cups my face with both of his hands and pulls me to the tips of my toes. “I know you’re not her anymore. I know you’ve moved on. But you deserve the truth. I loved you, too, Hannah. Your feelings weren’t one-sided, and you deserved better than to think they were.”
“Oh!” The back door swings open, bouncing against the brick wall so I jump out of Axel’s arms and slam my hip against the counter with a hiss.
Slinging my gaze to the door, I choke out a whimper of embarrassment when my eyes lock onto Raul’s.
He watches me with surprise. A blush in his cheeks, and mild panic as he looks to Axel. “I’m sorry. I…” He reaches up and covers his eyes. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re not.” I scoot out from between Axel and the counter, and toss my fresh knife and cutting board in the sink. Then I snatch up the prepped containers of carrots and peppers, pop the lids on, and practically sprint to the massive fridge.
