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I chewed slowly, and then swallowed, before finally admitting, “Teris was the first fae to make me feel welcome. He wasn’t obsessed with me, like some of the others. He didn’t think I was an alien because I had tits. He was frank about finding me intruiging, and over time, we became friends. Honestly, he was the best friend I’d ever had. On Earth, I was pretty alone. I explained everything about kissing to him, and sex in all its forms, and he didn’t push me for anything or change at all. He was just Teris.”
I took another bite, and January groaned.
Mare patted her on the knee, as if to comfort her.
After I swallowed, I continued. “Things got steamy between us, but we didn’t touch each other. We didn’t even kiss. I’d never had a boyfriend, or a casual hookup, or anything like that, so I was new to everything just like him. We were taking things slow. But we decided he was going to kiss me one night—we’d planned it, and I was pretty confident we’d go from kissing to hooking up. Before he’d finished his shift of fighting that night, a few of the unseelies broke into my house. They covered my mouth so I couldn’t scream, and hauled me out so fast I didn’t even have time to fight.”
The girls’ eyes were all wide and round.
I took another bite of cake.
“Bitch knows she has a story we’re desperate for,” Summer grumbled.
I bit back a snort.
“Half an hour into the trip, this massive sabertooth comes out of the trees. He snarls at the men, and they stop completely. A few of them are apologizing, and the sabertooth shifts forms. The moment our eyes met, I felt this strong, heavyconnectionfall into place between us. Neither of us could deny it. I didn’t want the connection, but I knew without a doubt that it was real. Aev took me from his men, and hauled my ass back to his place. When I told him I didn’t want to talk to him, he didn’t fight with me on it.”
“Rookie mistake,” January muttered.
The other girls nodded.
“Obviously he learned from it, because he seems to have changed tactics with Dakota. But I didn’t think he wanted me—which he didn’t. And I didn’t want him. I spent every hour of those first few days waiting for Teris to show up at my door, but he didn’t come. The entire firstyear, I waited for him. When the next human woman arrived, I realized he wasn’t coming. The only pain I’d ever felt that was worse than the pain of knowing he didn’t love me enough to chase me was the pain of losing my mother. That’s one I don’t think I can ever be free of,” I said quietly.
North heaved a sigh. “Damn.”
“Why didn’t he come? And why the hell did you take the bastard back so fast?” Summer demanded, tossing a hand toward the door in the ceiling.
“He caught up to me just after Aeven did. I didn’t see him—I didn’t know he was there. I would’ve yelled for him, if I did. I would’ve begged him to get me away from Aev, if I could’ve. But I didn’t see him. And from Teris’s perspective, when I looked at Aeven and the bond fell into place, I looked really damn excited about it—and really damn in love with him. They didn’t know that bonds could be broken, then. And even if they did, he thought I wanted it, so he wasn’t going to interfere.”
There was a long silence.
Summer finally sighed. “Well, that’s devastating.”
“It was just a misunderstanding. A big misunderstanding that cost me twenty years of happiness,” I said quietly. “What I wouldn’t give to go back in time.”
“Now we understand why you took him back so quickly,” Mare said, and I got the feeling she was trying to lighten the mood.
“Honestly, I would’ve made him wait longer. I don’t know if I’m really ready. But with the goddess giving me the magic to lead her new army of monsters, she warned me that I’d only have a week to pick a mate. The magic was too much for me to deal with alone.”
Their eyes widened again, and I had to explain the goddess’s assignment, and how she’d used me.
“So now you’re trying to wrap your mind around the past not being exactly the way you thought, as well as adjust to a new mate bond?” January checked.
I nodded.
“Hot damn.” She brushed a few strands of golden-brown hair from her eyes. “You’re a warrior.”
“I’m struggling,” I admitted. “Earlier today, he told me he loved me, and I couldn’t say it back. It would’ve felt like a lie, and I couldn’t do that to him. We’ve started finding our stride again, but it’ll take time to develop our friendship back to where it used to be. We’ve been apart a long time, you know? And I’m terrified that I’m screwing everything up between us, because I already did that with Aeven. The last thing I want is to hurt Teris that way too.”
“Oh, it’s expected that fae men will fall first,” Mare said quickly. “Don’t worry about that. They always fall hard and fast, and they don’t pressure anyone into feeling the same way.”
“She’s right. It doesn’t offend them to want you more than you want them,” January agreed.
“Amen. My man literally stalked me for a while because he thought I was in love with another guy,” Summer added. “My emotions changed nothing for him.”
“Has he asked you outright if you love him too? Or made you think he expects you to?” North asked. “Teris is a pretty direct man. He and Priel are similar that way, and Priel would one-hundred-percent tell me if he thought I should feel something for him that I didn’t.”
“No, he hasn’t asked me or anything. But I just feel guilty, you know? I hate knowing that I was the villain with Aeven, and to all of the unseelies. I just… I hate it.” I shook my head harshly, trying to shake off the emotions somehow. Though I knew it wasn’t going to work that way, I could dream, right?
