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“Girl, I’ve talked to Dakota about this shit, and neither she nor Aev think you were the villain. From what she said, he didn’t try to talk to you much more than you tried with him,” Summer put in.
She was right, but it didn’t feel that way. “I know, but when the goddess showed me the past, he was just an absolute wreck. And if I’d just done things a little different…” I heaved a sigh. “I hurt him. I hate knowing that, even though we’re not friends or even really acquaintances. I never tried to hurt him.”
“But you were hurting,” North reminded me. “And it’s easy to lash out at other people when you’re hurting. Natural, too.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s right,” I argued.
“You already apologized though, right?” January checked.
I nodded.
“Then why not leave the past in the past? You hurt him, but he hurt you too. Both of you could’ve changed your situation in multiple ways, but neither of you did. You both deserve the blame. It’s okay to feel the guilt, but feel it, and then let it go. Holding on to past shit doesn’t do anything but hurt your present self,” January said.
My eyes burned a little.
She was right; I did need to let it go.
Not because I hadn’t made a mistake.
Not because I wasn’t guilty.
But because I’d already done everything I could to right the wrong, and hanging on to my guilt was only going to continue hurting me.
And now, what hurt me would hurt Teris too, eventually.
I probably needed to talk to him about the guilt I was wearing like a second skin. I’d told him I felt bad, and he told me not to, but it wasn’t about feeling guilt or not feeling guilt. It was about accepting what had happened, as shitty as it was, and giving myself permission to move on.
Summer put in, “If we’re going to have conversations like this one, you’ve got to eat some more of that cake, girl. You’re going to need it.”
I laughed, though my eyes were still stinging a little, and dutifully took another bite.
It really was great cake.
Eleven
Teris
There werea damn lot of dragons, and killing them without my teeth was a pain in the ass, but I managed without too many injuries. Knowing that Nai was waiting for me made the fights seem a lot less appealing, but I still needed to protect her.
An hour had passed by the time our group of twenty finally got through their ranks. We all drank a little of the foul urrtolo tea just to make sure none of us had been accidentally poisoned without realizing it before we slapped each other’s shoulders and headed back toward the Stronghold.
Aev and Dakota had been with us—she’d stayed in the trees, communicating with her bonded klynna—so even though I was itching to get back to Nai, I veered away from my brothers and followed them to their place.
They’d noticed me following, and stopped on their porch when they reached it. She looked a bit ill, but everyone knew she had struggled with seeing fights, or even hearing them.
I shifted back. “You have a minute?”
“Sure.” Aev lifted a shoulder, glancing at Dakota, and she nodded. Her forehead was creased, like she was worried.
“I’m sorry we didn’t warn you when we were breaking the bond,” she said quickly. “I tried to find you, but you were already gone with Naomi.”
“Don’t apologize for that. I was glad to see it go.” I tucked my hands in my pants’ pockets. “About Naomi.” I looked at Aev. “I probably owe you an apology. She and I were together, two decades ago, in secret. Before you found her. I saw you from the trees when you met, and thought she looked excited by your bond. When she didn’t use my name to bring me to her to rescue you, she confirmed it in my mind, that you were happy to find each other. She was expecting me to come after her, but I thought she wanted you.”
The words hadn’t come out right—my voice was rough, and probably defensive. Maybe a little guilty too, but I didn’t regret my relationship with her.
I regretted not realizing she wanted me, though. I might always regret that.
“Wow,” Dakota breathed.
