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Cole holds me like he used to when I’d wake up with a bad dream, stroking my hair and matching his breathing with mine. The comfort in this moment calms me so completely that I almost fall asleep in his arms before he pulls away and leads me into the house. Holding his hand brings me back to when I was a little girl and my big brother was my everything. I look up at him in the moonlight and try to feel that same unwavering love, but all I see is the man who wants to keep me away from Chase.
He sighs as we climb the stairs to the mansion and lets go of my hands. I rub my palms on my hips, like I’m trying to wipe away the invisible guilt of letting him down. He only stares at me with disappointment and shakes his head before leaving me in the foyer. I watch him walk into the kitchen where Jax waits for him, holding the most expensive bottle of scotch we have. Cole closes the door softly behind him.
I turn to the staircase with my shoulders slumped as I ascend to my bedroom. I know what they will be talking about. Jax will tell Cole he doesn’t want me anymore. Cole will fight it but even he can see the truth. Something has changed in me. Where I was willing last week to do whatever the pack needed, now I fight it as if I’m a prisoner in my own home. Shame weighs my shoulders down as I sneak past Momma’s room and slip into my own. I lean against my door after I close it softly and sob quietly.
Nothing about this makes sense. My need to be with Chase is like an impulse pulling me constantly in his direction wherever he may be. I can’t control it, I can’t think about anything else. This is more than just a crush, more than infatuation.
I need Chase like I need oxygen.
I push myself off the door and slip the shirt off my shoulders. The tag makes me itch relentlessly and I start to rip it off with a vengeance but I freeze. Written on the small slip in permanent marker is Chase’s name. I picked a random shirt off a random clothesline only to have it be his. I crush the shirt to my face, desperately searching for his scent, but I find only the scent of laundry detergent and my own sweat.
Walking over my thick white carpet, I lay the shirt on my canopy bed with reverence. Fate keeps telling me this is right, pointing me in his direction, pushing me towards him. It feels as if the longer I stay away, the more I anger our ancestors.
I slump down on my bed, stroking the shirt as I look around at the trappings of my childhood. Everything in my room is in pastel shades, a little girl’s princess dream room come true. I’m hardly in here so it never mattered to me, but looking around at all the childlike decorations I realize I outgrew all this a long time ago.
I roll my eyes, knowing I’ll need to plan a whole new room at some point as I walk in my bathroom. The clawfoot tub beckons me and I realize how long it’s been since I had a proper soak. I start the water and add bubble bath before I go brush my teeth.
Seeing myself in the mirror is a shock I wasn’t expecting. I don’t look like me at all; my hair is wild and flying every which way, my face is dirty and harder than usual, even my naked body looks somehow different, somehow wilder. “I look like I belong with him…” I say out loud, my fingertips stroking my skin where Chase last touched me.
I brush my hair, trying not to think about it too hard or I feel like I’ll die. Every step I take in my bathroom is torture because it isn’t a step towards him. I don’t see the vanity with all my makeup, or the lush towels and my robe waiting for me. As I wash my face and put on a clay mask I don’t see my reflection, I see his body over mine. I feel his lips on my skin, his hands on my hips, his cock inside me.
When I lower myself into the hot bubble bath, I remember how he cleaned me up after we made love. He was so sweet and caring. I close my eyes, sinking down to my chin in the water, and slip my hands between my legs as I remember how everything felt. But my hands on my body just don’t feel the same, I can’t ignite the pleasure that he did. I sigh and give up and feel myself drifting off to sleep.
A hand slips under the water, big and rough, and strokes my breast. I open my eyes and see Chase looking down at me with a smile on his face. He snuck in! He found me! I try to get out of the bathtub but he pushes me down and rips his shirt over his head. I grab his belt buckle and pull on it, desperate for him to take it off. I’ve never been so happy in my life, and lust tears through me like a hurricane. I need him naked, I need him inside me. I need itnow.
He looks like a god in the soft lighting of my bathroom, his tattoos seem to glow, and when he drops his pants my mouth waters. I lean forward at his request and he slips in the bath behind me, pulling my body on top of his. The bath is so full that water spills over the side making an awful wet mess, but I don’t care.
Chase trails his fingertips up and down my arms and leans my head on his shoulder. His kisses are like the elixir of life, his tongue burning me from the inside out. I’m in heaven with him here, his hands all over me, and when he cups me between the legs I moan as if he’s already inside me. His fingers are masterful, rubbing me around the tip of my clit in slow soft circles as his mouth explores mine.
I can't wait, I have to have him. I need him inside me now. I ease myself away from his touch and turn around, straddling him as I settle my core over his throbbing cock and feel him slip inside me like he was born to fit there. Chase puts his hands behind his head and watches me, his eyes heavy with lust as I rock against him. Nothing has ever felt more amazing, and even as the water sloshes and spills over the sides soaking the floor I don’t care.
I want him, all of him, forever.
But somehow his cock doesn’t seem to go deep enough so I grind harder, harder, not understanding why it’s not hitting the same spot as it did in the cave. When I open my eyes it’s Jax under me, not Chase, and I scream.
I scream so loud I wake myself up.
I fly out of the tub so fast I crash on the floor, still screaming. I scramble up, wrapping a towel around my body, and Cole bursts through the bathroom door and breaks the door frame. He runs to me, hands on my shoulders. He’s trying to speak but I can't hear him. I can't see straight, panic surging through me, when Jax appears in the doorway fully dressed.
My screams die in my throat, and I look at my bathtub. It’s empty, no Chase, no Jax, just a watery mess from me flying out like a mad woman. I was sleeping, I was dreaming. My face burns as I blush hard and I turn away from my brother and his friend.
“I’m s-sorry! I must have fallen asleep! I had a…nightmare. It’s nothing, really.”
I can’t look at them, especially not Jax. My body shakes violently and Cole rubs my arms a few times before he kisses the top of my head and they both leave in complete silence. I fall on the floor, sobbing. It was such a beautiful dream, I thought Chase was actually here! My mind flashes back to Jax being underneath me and I shudder in disgust. I know now, without a shadow of a doubt, Jax is never going to happen.
I dry off, rinse my face, and wash my hair quickly in my bathroom sink. Not caring that my hair is wet, I walk out of the room and put Chase’s shirt back on before I crawl between my silk sheets and close my eyes.
I toss and turn all night, thinking about Chase, thinking about how I need him. When the sun comes up and I hear the cook in the kitchen below me, my eyes finally close and I fall into a fitful sleep. I’m never going to leave this bed again, not until I know I can be in his bed with him for the rest of my life.
The next dream is so much better, a dream in a dream, the future I wish I could have now.
I’m sitting on a checkered blanket in front of a little house surrounded with a white picket fence. My light pink summer dress stretches over a huge belly, a floppy white straw hat sheltering my eyes from the blazing sun. I stroke my stomach, smiling to myself as I lean back and snack on ripe red strawberries. Light gleams off my sun kissed skin, making me glow like a goddess. I’m so happy, so content, and the best part about it is how heavily pregnant I am.
I feel my pups kicking inside me, battling each other for more room. I know it won't be long before I’m delivering. The roar of a motorcycle makes my eyes flash open and I sit up expectantly. I see the cloud of dust on the old dirt road before I see the man on the motorcycle, and when he comes into full view my body is hit by a heatwave of lust.
I slowly pull myself to my feet, trying to ignore the sheen of moisture as it coats my inner thighs. Chase pulls to a stop in front of the house and pulls off his helmet, his face is full of joy, his smile stretching from ear to ear. He turns and carries a squealing little girl off the back of his bike. She looks to me about seven or eight, all dressed up in safety gear.
“I took our little girl for a quick spin around town, and before you freak out, I promise I never went over ten miles per hour.” He holds his hands up defensively as the little girl comes running towards me, her blonde curls bouncing around her adorable face as she wraps her arms around my waist and kisses my belly.
