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She gave me a pitying look. “Be happy, Aslan.”
“You too.” With a final kiss, I packed up my stupid heart, tucked my useless tail between my legs, and returned to The Fluke and the ocean that hated me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
*
Aslan
*
(Moon in Filipino: Buwan)
NERI: I KNOW I HAVE NO RIGHT to ask who she is, but...it hurts, Aslan.
Neri: Message me back. Please...
Neri: All I can picture is Rita and Molly mauling you back in Daintree. It felt as if my heart splattered into the sand that night. But your silence now is like a thousand knives slicing into my stupid, stupid soul.
Neri: I forbid myself from messaging you for an hour. My self-imposed sentence is over, and...I can’t help myself. It’s been an hour and nothing, Aslan. I guess that means...I don’t know what that means.
Neri: I hate that you’re gone. I hate that I can’t pop down to see you in the garden. I hate that I can’t say any of this to your face. I know you think I’m young, but I’m not. Not anymore. I love you, Aslan. I...I want you. I want you to want me, and the fact that you don’t...
Neri: Fuck, I’m sorry. I’ll stop messaging. I’ll stop visiting you at night. I’ll stop making things so hard. Just please...message me back and let me know you’re okay?
My heart raced so fast I swore smoke curled through my veins.
I’d deliberately forbidden myself from checking her messages until I’d returned to the pier, climbed onboard The Fluke, tossed the unused condom deep into the bottom of the rubbish bin, washed my hands, stripped, and climbed into my sleeping bag.
The stars glittered in the cloudless black velvet above. The moon shone bright, refracting on the calm bay the same way it had the night Neri dived into the ocean and I thought a croc would tear her apart.
Her messages had successfully torn me apart better than any murderous reptile.
My hands trembled; I couldn’t catch a proper breath. I was more alive, more aware from a simple message from Neri than I had been all night with Rhea.
My skin tingled from the night air. My belly clenched with need. And my cock was so hard, it throbbed with agony that I doubted I’d be able to ignore for long.
Sucking in a breath, I begged for wisdom on what to do.
This was dangerous.
This was complicated with a capital fucking C.
I should delete the messages Neri had sent, just in case her parents ever saw. I should pretend she never sent them. I should go to sleep without touching myself, and I should definitely deal with all the shit inside me that I still hadn’t dealt with.
So why did I do none of that?
Another message came in from Neri, sending a painful flash through my entire body.
Neri: I have a confession. I installed an app on your phone that lets me track you. I told myself it was just to watch you move about the ocean while I was stuck at school but...tonight, I watched where you went. I know you were in an apartment block. I expected that little red dot not to move all night. I’m not proud to admit that I drank some of Mum’s lychee liquor because I needed something to dull the pain. To stop the images in my mind of what you were doing. But...you left. If the GPS isn’t lying, then you’re back on The Fluke. And now, somehow, my heart hurts even more.
I hated the thought of her in pain.
I hated the thought of her alone.
I hated that I couldn’t dash into the house and hug her.
I hated that I couldn’t slip into her bed and fucking kiss her.
I hated everything that’d happened and everything that kept us apart.
But most of all, I hated myself because I was the one who’d done this. I was the weak one. The one who let Neri believe we could be anything more.
Bitter rage made my fingers fly.
Me: I know about Sleuther. I’ve been tracking you too. Care to tell me why you were in a bar in Port Douglas until well past your bedtime? And stop drinking. You’re alone. You’re underage.
I pressed send but then wrote more, unable to stop myself.
Me: You asked me who she was? I wished I had the strength to tell you what I should tell you. I wish I could tell you that I slept with her. That whatever this thing is between us means nothing. I wish I could break your heart by breaking mine and prove to both of us that my fear of deportation and my loyalty to your parents will always win over how you make me feel. But...tonight, I can’t. Tonight, I’ll simply tell you the truth. Who was she, Nerida? She wasn’t fucking you.
My entire body thumped in time with my chaotic heartbeat. My fingers twitched with it. My toes clenched with it. I felt out of breath and manic and wild and when her text came in, I wanted to howl at the fucking moon for the awful mess we’d caused.
