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“Just someone I know.” I smiled sadly. “Someone I should never have met.”
“You don’t sound happy about loving her.”
I snorted. “I’m not. I wish I could stop. One day, I’ll have no choice but to stop.”
“Why?”
“Because she’ll fall for someone else.”
“But what if she’s fallen for you?”
I shook my head, more awful truth spilling free. “I’m pretty sure she already has.”
“Okay, Dad, but don’t get angry when I marry him.”
The echo of Neri’s conviction from when she was twelve fisted my heart. Did she still feel that conviction? Did she still believe that fantasy even though I could never technically get married here?
Rhea sucked in a breath. “Then what’s the problem?”
I smiled and swallowed back answers I could never tell her. “I hope you find someone who loves you and realises just how incredible you are, Rhea. I’m so sorry I turned out to be a disappointment.”
“Don’t do that.” She grimaced a little. “And you’re not a disappointment. Not really. I get it. I do. I tried to have a one-night stand a week after I broke up with Adrian, but I couldn’t go through with it. You don’t get to deflect, though. You can’t use flattery to avoid not answering. Why can’t you be with her?”
“To repeat a line that’s often used by others: it’s complicated.” I scooted toward the end of the bed. As subtly as I could, I pulled the condom off, fisted it, and tossed away the blanket. With a self-conscious breath, I stood and walked across her small studio to my discarded clothes.
Goosebumps broke out down my spine as she watched me dress.
“Complicated doesn’t mean it can’t be done,” she said quietly.
The weight of my phone and the spikiness of my shell settled my hammering heart as I zipped up my shorts and shrugged into my t-shirt. Slipping the unused condom into my pocket, wincing as it stuck to the same shell Neri had given me, I returned to Rhea, where she sat on the rumpled bed.
“I can’t do complicated because complicated could cost me everything. But it turns out...I can’t do simple either.” Bending over her, I pressed a finger beneath her chin.
She looked up, obeying my pressure.
I pressed my mouth to hers.
I kissed her in apology, regret, and relief.
She kissed me back with a soft moan. “You sure you don’t want to stay?”
“I’d love to stay. I’d love you to be the first girl I slept with. I’d love a great many things but—”
“Wait...you’re a virgin?” Her mouth fell open, wet from our kiss.
Shit, I hadn’t meant to say that.
“You’re a twenty-year-old guy who looks the way you do and you’re still a virgin?” She spluttered, “How...I mean...wow, that’s...wow.”
I chuckled under my breath, my cheeks hot. “If I’m still afflicted with it when I’m thirty, I’ll come looking for you.”
She laughed. “Do that. Definitely do that. Wait.” Scrambling to her feet, she raced toward the small kitchenette and the notepad resting beside a dirty plate. Scribbling something down, she shot back to my side and passed me a piece of paper. “That’s everything you need to find me. No matter where I’ll be.”
I scowled, recognising the Instagram handle. Neri had an account, posting photos of underwater shots, dolphin close-ups, and sharing ocean awareness to those who didn’t get access to such worlds.
“Just DM me. If you decide you want to no longer be afflicted, then message me, and if I’m still around, we’ll make it happen.”
I shoved the paper into my back pocket. “You’re being far too kind to me. Why?”
“Why?” She laughed softly. “Because...how did you word it? You’re gorgeous and fun and nice. That’s rare, Aslan. And even rarer for a guy who has a naked girl with her mouth on his cock—a guy who’s never had sex—and is moral enough to be unable to go through with it, all because his heart loves another.”
“His heart is a fucking idiot,” I muttered.
“Possibly. But it’s also loyal and true and that...” She pressed her naked, perfect body against my clothed one. “Is by far the most attractive thing about you.” She kissed me softly. “She’s a lucky girl. And I hope, for both your sakes, that one day you can figure out how to turn complicated into simple because it would be an absolute tragedy if you died a virgin.”
I laughed.
A proper, relieved laugh.
This beautiful stranger had somehow turned one of the most embarrassing moments of my life into one of friendship and kindness.
I would never forget her for that.
“I’m grateful to have met you, Rhea.”
“Likewise, Aslan. Now, get out of my apartment before I do my best to prove to you that your cock can work, despite your melancholy heart.”
I grinned. “Pretty sure all of me is melancholy.”
I’d meant it as a joke.
So why did it feel far too fucking real?
The grief I carried, the longing I festered, the fear I harboured—it didn’t leave a lot of room for joy.
