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“I couldn’t stay on The Fluke after I’d found evidence of Aslan trying to move on from me. Instead, I cycled to Zara’s house. She welcomed me in as she always did. We were best friends growing up and in many of the same classes. She wanted to be a teacher and her older brother, Joel, wanted to shape surfboards for a living and travel the world on the surfing championship circuit.
“She never knew how I felt about Aslan, but she knew I’d had a crush on Joel and I used that to my advantage. I’m not proud of what I did. Like I said, I let hurt control my actions. But as I had dinner that night with Zara and her family, I rubbed my toes against Joel’s bare ankle under the table and willingly went with him when he snuck outside later that night, waiting for me around the back of the house.”
I flinched. “The one boy I wanted to kiss me was the only boy to refuse me, so...I made do with second best. I told Joel I’d made a mistake when I said I didn’t want to be with him when we camped together in Daintree. I asked if he was still single. I asked if he still wanted me. And I felt sick because he was a nice boy and deserved a nice girl who didn’t harbour feelings for another. He grinned and admitted he still had a huge crush on me, that he still wanted me, and wanted to make it official before I could change my mind again.
“He kissed me by the rubbish bins before proudly taking my hand and pulling me back inside. Unlike Aslan who did his utmost to hide how he felt about me from my parents, Joel wrapped his arms around me, revealed the extent of how much he liked me, and announced to his family that we were officially dating.
“Zara was ecstatic. She’d wanted me to be with her brother ever since that camping trip. She believed I’d become her sister one day. And Joel? Well, he was the best consolation prize I could’ve asked for. I still feel guilty for what I did to him. Still feel bad that while he was falling in love with me, I’d already fallen for someone else.
“I went home that night with two emotions. One of despair that Aslan might’ve lied to me about sleeping with someone and one of righteous rage that he might’ve been with someone, but now, so was I. Joel was my boyfriend, and it was only a matter of time before we slept together.”
“Oh no...so Aslan wasn’t your first, after all? Please tell me he was your second and your last,” Margot whispered sadly.
I swallowed another mouthful of chilled vodka, wincing. There wasn’t an easy answer to that question, so I continued with the story. “The first time I invited Joel around to my house for dinner, Aslan looked like he’d die at the table. The second time, Joel came to watch a movie, and we snuggled on the couch. Poor Aslan only lasted a few minutes before marching out the door and vanishing into the garden. The third time, my mum sat me down and had ‘the talk’. She’d already given me the main details, but this was different. This was her offering to take me to the doctor to go on the pill. It was her setting new rules for her rapidly growing daughter. I wasn’t forbidden from having Joel around. In fact, Dad rather liked him and only had one strict rule that whenever Joel was in my bedroom, my door remained firmly open.”
I blinked at the two reporters, not enjoying how this part of my life made me sound. “You have to understand, I didn’t willingly do this to hurt Aslan. Of course, he was absolutely traumatised, and I wish I could go back and change things, but I truly did enjoy Joel’s company. He was like a male version of Zara, and I loved her very much. So even though my relationship with Joel started off with lies on my part, I truly did grow to care for him.”
“As much as you cared for Aslan?” Margot asked, her eyes sad and lips downturned.
I laughed quietly. “I could love any number of men or women. I could marry another. I could make a life with another. But there will never, not in a thousand years, ever be someone who will come close to the way I care for Aslan. Aslan is my other half. My mirroring piece. Life gave me my soulmate when I was just twelve, not caring that we weren’t ready.”
I gave Margot a smile right from my experience and my heart. “The only way I can describe it is: Aslan is Aslan. And everyone else...isn’t.”
