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“I get ye,” I respond with a nod. “But ye also can’t live a life where ye’re constantly afraid he’s goin’ta come after ye.”
I know what it’s like walkin’ around while havin’ta keep lookin’ over yer shoulder. It’s not a life to live.
“If he wanted to find me,” she says slowly. “He would have done so by now. I don’t think he’s even bothered I’m gone. Perhaps he’s moved on.”
“Moved on ta another innocent woman?” I challenge.
The thought of that feckin’ arsehole hurtin’ other women makes my blood boil even more. I never once considered I’d have to kill fer the same reason I did in the past. I thought that was a one-off fer me, but I’ll gladly do it again if it’ll keep Clover safe. The woman before me already means so much more ta me than I ever expected.
“There are women out there livin’ in fear,” I tell her. “And if I can eliminate at least one more of those feckers who instil that fear, I’ll do it.”
Clover looks at me, and her expression softens. A small smile dances on her lips as she regards me. I know there are no guarantees that this will work between us, but I want her safe. That’s all. Her da was a good friend ta me, and if I can make sure his little girl lives a happy life, I’ll do it. Even if it means one day, she moves on from this place and me.
“Then I’ll support your plan,” Clover says. “I don’t want anyone going through what I did. I can’t bear the thought of it. There’s something else I was thinking about as well.”
“Aye?”
Clover nods. “I want to go to therapy, to talk to someone about my past. I think facing my past and talking about it could help me. I also want to volunteer at the local women’s centre.”
I know the one she means. It’s the one where Ma used to work. She would go in there every day and make sure there were enough supplies for those who were runnin’ from abusive homes. The centre was set up a long time ago, and those working there see an influx of women comin’ through its doors on a weekly basis.
“I like the idea of that,” I tell her. “If ye think ye’re ready ta talk ta someone, then do it. I can’t say I believe in all that shite, but I know it helped Ma.”
Clover grins. “You believe that killing someone will help? That’s your coping strategy. But for me, talking will help me work through all the memories that still haunt me.”
This time, I pull her closer and press my lips ta hers. The idea of her healin’ from her pain makes me happy.
“I’ll support ye with whatever ye want ta do.” It’s a promise I make her, one I’ll never break because she’s special ta me. I want her to be whole again. “I may not be the only one who can help put yer pieces back together, but I will feckin’ try my hardest to make sure ye’re happy again.”
Clover looks at me as she smiles, the corners of her mouth tiltin’ upwards, her eyes sparklin’.
“I am happy, Sully. You’ve brought so much warmth into my life. You’ve given me the safety I haven’t had in such a long time. Since Dad was alive. I didn’t think I would ever feel like this again.”
As much as I want to hear her say the three little words that would make me run a mile, she doesn’t. But then again, I’m not sure I would run, not with her. I never expected to love someone, never in my lifetime. I’ve seen far too much shite ta want that pure, passionate emotion that so many people would kill fer.
“Well, I can try to make ye feel that fer as long as ye’ll have me. I don’t expect ye ta stick around forever, but I’ll always look after ye.”
This makes her frown. “Why wouldn’t I stick around forever?”
Her question stills me fer a wee while. I don’t know why, but there’s this twist in my gut when I consider her walkin’ away. Perhaps it’s because I know she’s still hidin’ somethin’ from me. My gut feelin’ has never been wrong. But I don’t tell her that.
“All I’m sayin’ is that if ever ye feel the need to move on,” I respond with a little white lie instead. “If there is somethin’ ye want ta do with yer life, then ye do it.” I’m not sure I’m makin’ any sense, but the idea of forever, of puttin’ a ring on her finger, scares the shite out of me.
There are too many variables fer us ta get past right now. When I find Rogan, all hell could break loose and then we’re goin’ta have ta work through it. Then there’s Bragan, and there’s McCallum. The threats ta both our lives could change things so easily. The future is never certain.
