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“I wanna go.”
He took my hand. “Come on. Let’s cook dinner, then, sweetheart.” He was so touchy-feely, his hands almost always on me in one manner or another. I never thought it was something I could come to crave so much, but I did. Nothing beat the feeling of Charles’s skin against mine.
“Who knew you’d be such a bossy boyfriend,” I teased, wondering why the word didn’t sound strange on my tongue.
“I could have seen that one coming. I’m bossy and a little pushy. Ask Emerson. Before he and Sam got together, I had to constantly work to be in his life.”
“Because you didn’t want him to be alone.” Just like he hadn’t wanted me to be alone. Charles was…Christ, he was incredible.
“No, I didn’t, but sometimes the why of it doesn’t matter. Let me know if I’m ever pushing too hard.”
“You’re not.”
“Well, keep it in mind for later.”
I nodded, but I didn’t worry it would ever come to that.
He made the patties while I went out and turned the grill on. We sat outside while we cooked and ate, but Charles didn’t get up to leave right away, and I didn’t either. “I went and did yoga today,” he said.
“I didn’t know you did that.” I chuckled.
He swatted my arm. “You’re laughing at me, you asshole. Yoga is good for your mind and body. I’m gonna make you do it with me sometime.”
“That’s gonna be a hard no.”
“Not at the studio. At home. We can even make it sexy if you’re feeling in the mood.” He waggled his eyebrows playfully.
“We’ll see.” Was there anything I wasn’t willing to try for this man? I wasn’t sure there was.
“I can deal with that. Anyway, I missed it. In New York I used to go about four days a week. It’s over in Cloverhill. The owner is a married lesbian.”
“No shit?” Being gay wasn’t something I’d ever seen in Ryland until Sam and Emerson, then Sutton and Jasper.
“Yeah. And part of why I’m telling you is because I mentioned I’m seeing a man named Brian from Ryland. After I did it, I worried I shouldn’t have. It’s a long shot she would somehow know it’s you, but I should have been more careful. I’m sorry about that.”
I cocked my head, watching him. We were sitting side by side by the firepit. The frogs and the crickets were starting to sing in the background. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew there was homophobia in the world. Jasper and his daddy had become estranged because of it. There were places and people it was dangerous to be gay around. This was my first time with a man, so I knew it was something I should work through some, but the truth was, I didn’t care if anyone knew I was with Charles.
“You don’t gotta hide we’re together from folks, unless that’s something you want. If you don’t want people to know…”
“What? No. Fuck no. Why would I care?”
“Why would I?”
“Because as far as anyone knew, yourself included, you were straight…and now you’re not. That’s a big deal to some.”
Maybe it should be to me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care. “Guess so.” I shrugged. “I’m not real good with words. It ain’t like I’m gonna go around tellin’ everyone I meet, but I don’t wanna hide it. I’ve never had anyone that’s mine. I’ve never had anyone who wanted me. That’s all I care about, not what folks think about it. I’m proud someone like you would choose to be with someone like me.”
“Jesus, Brian.” For a second, I thought I did something wrong, but then Charles wrapped his hand around my nape, pulling me toward him. “You’re so fucking good with words when you want to be. I don’t know what you mean by someone like you, though. You’re incredible, and I wish you saw that. I’m gonna make it my life’s mission to make sure you see it.”
And like so many other times, when he said it, and when he pressed his lips to mine afterward, I felt just as special as he seemed to think I was.
We’d been at the bar and grill for about an hour, listening to music. We got a booth again, instead of one of the tables in front of the stage. Charles had ordered an appetizer even though we’d already eaten dinner. I had a beer in front of me, but I hadn’t touched it much. I was just enjoying the music and the man sitting across from me.
My guitar sat on the seat beside me, the case bumping into my leg, reminding me it was there. Charles hadn’t mentioned going onstage again, but I knew he wanted to. He was just letting me run the show.
A man went up next, singing a country song. Charles mouthed the lyrics with him, fingers tapping on the table to the beat. I wanted to lean forward and tell him he was beautiful. That I liked the shape of his lips and the distinguished line of his jaw that hid under his scruff. That I liked the veins in his hands and how his fingers felt against my skin. That when he kissed me, I felt more worthy than I had in my whole life, and how I wouldn’t be sitting in this bar, building myself up to go on that stage, if it wasn’t for him.
