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I nearly fell off my chair at his words. I hadn’t ever thought of it like that, hadn’t let myself see that I’d clung to Nadine because even though loving her was wrong, it made me feel normal in some ways. If I’d let go of her, I would have let go of feeling any kind of sexual or romantic attraction and romantic love for anyone, so my brain and heart just dug their claws in. “I think…I think you might be a genius, Sutton Manning.”
He laughed. “I got it from my uncle.” He winked. “Thank you for sharin’ all that with me. Nothin’ you told me changes a thing about how I see you. I hope you know that.”
“I do,” I replied, surprised I meant it. I didn’t know how I’d gotten so lucky in my life. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen myself as lucky until Charles, and now this conversation with Sutton.
“Are me and Jasp allowed to go watch you play at the bar?”
“Hell no.” We chuckled, before I added, “Maybe one day. It’s not like we’re a band or anything.” But we could be. Would Charles want that? Did I want that? I never considered I’d be able to force myself to go up there, so I doubted that would ever happen. It was just something we did for fun.
“That don’t matter. You’re good. I wouldn’t be able to play if it wasn’t for you.”
“Maybe one day,” I said again because for now, it was the best I could do. “It ain’t easy on him…bein’ with me. I’m a bit of a mess. I don’t know how long it will last.”
“You’re doin’ it again. Stop writing yourself off. He likes you. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.”
He did, and amazingly, I knew that. I felt it when he looked at me. I just wanted to be enough for him, to be good enough for him, to have something to offer him. “Looks like I’m gonna be goin’ to New York City with him. Gonna meet his folks and all.”
“Holy shit. Sounds to me like he wants it to last. I can’t believe you have a boyfriend.” He nudged me with his arm, a big, happy smile on his face. It was contagious, and damned if I didn’t catch the thing too. I was pretty sure I’d smiled more since meeting Charles than I had the rest of my life before him.
“Shouldn’t that be weird to hear?”
“No. I felt the same way when I first got with Jasp. I just knew it was right…inevitable, and that was all that mattered.”
Sometimes it felt like that with me and Charles too, like I’d always been waiting for him.
“We should all hang out sometime. Me, you, Charles, and Jasp. I’d like to get to know him better. Maybe we can invite Sam and Emerson too. I got other friends, of course, but there’s somethin’ different about being with other queer people.”
Queer people. That was me now. Or maybe it always had been. Again, for me, I wasn’t sure it mattered. But I liked the idea of spending time with them. “Sounds good.”
We hung out for a while, before Sutton said he had to go. I walked him to his truck, and maybe for the first time ever, gave my nephew a hug goodbye. “Thank you for understanding,” I told him as Sutton squeezed me back.
“I love you, Uncle Brian. That’s all that matters to me.”
I watched as he got in the truck and drove away. I couldn’t wait to tell Charles about what happened.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Charles
“Who you textin’ with?” Brian asked while we were sitting on his couch. It was a Saturday afternoon. We’d spent most of the morning in bed, just lying together, laughing and talking. We still hadn’t fucked again, but Brian had brought me off with his mouth a few more times. Apparently, he loved sucking cock. Who knew?
My feet were on his lap, and he pulled my toe when I didn’t respond right away. “Sorry. I’m playing a game with Raya and don’t want her to beat me.”
Brian chuckled, and I knew without looking that he rolled his eyes. I also knew he thought I was cute as fuck. That was typically what his eye rolls meant.
“Damn it!” I grumbled when she won again. “How is she so good at Cup Pong?” I dropped my phone to my stomach, trying not to pout.
Brian laughed before crawling over to lie between my legs, our torsos touching. “You’re cute when you’re mad at losing games.”
I grinned, still unable to get used to him saying things like that to me. I’d been told I’m attractive my whole life, from many, many men, and it had never felt the way it did with Brian. “You’re cute when you tell me I’m cute.”
