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God, with the size of this man, he must be in the gym constantly. I wonder when it started. I don’t really remember a time before Heph. We were in the same group home dealing with the same asshole who was charming when the social worker came by but beat me when no one else was around. He called me stupid, said I was lazy because I had trouble reading. I wasn’t stupid. I’m dyslexic. He never wanted to believe me. He said I was a white-trash loser and making things up.
Heph wasn’t stupid. He could read and got good grades. He didn’t get beaten.
When our foster father nearly killed me, I thought we were free. I thought they would see the bruises and fractures and finally take us away, but that man fooled everyone. He told them I fell, and they believed him. None of the other kids had visible bruises, so that must have been the case. It had to be my fault. I got three nights of peace in the hospital before they sent me back.
Heph was waiting for me. He had our bags packed, and we left. Traveling from Brooklyn to Seattle on a train, we managed to stow away on eating saltine crackers and peanut butter packets we stole from the food cart. Who assumes eight-year-old boys travel alone?
He has been at my side ever since. The only night I wasn’t with him was the night I met Freya.
Tears fill my eyes, and my heart aches for Freya. I miss her. I miss her more than I ever thought I could miss anyone, except Heph. If he leaves, if he rejects me, I don’t think I can survive it.
I can almost hear what Freya would have told me. You boys are a family. Shit might piss you off, or make you mad, and something may try to split you up. But it will never work, not for a real family. You will always come back together. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. You boys are a family in the only way that matters. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.
Then she would have given me a big hug and tell me to get my head out of my ass, grow some balls, and go after what I want.
“Yes, ma’am,” I whisper under my breath as I push open the gym door.
Heph has his earbuds in, so he doesn’t hear me. I wait for him to finish his set. Safety first in the gym, always. And I am enjoying the view.
Heph puts the weight on the ground with a solid thunk, and I go for what I want before I lose my nerve. My heart is racing as I approach Heph. I don’t give him a chance to react. I just kiss him with everything I have. I push my tongue into his mouth to taste him. The sultry musky sweetness that is uniquely him, and I am rock hard in an instant. I push him back onto the bench, and it takes me a moment to realize he isn’t kissing me back. I open my eyes and he pushes me off of him.
“What the fuck are you playing at?” he yells.
“I’m not playing at anything,” I say. “I want you.”
“So you think that just because you kissed me earlier, and I let you, you can just come and do it whenever the fuck you want with no regard to how I feel about it?” His cheeks are turning red at the top and his golden eyes swim with a mix of fury and pain. It would have been enough to tell me I fucked up and I need to leave, but he is also suddenly pitching a tent in his gym shorts. Just seeing it makes my mouth water.
“Then tell me how you feel about it. Tell me how you feel about me.”
“I’m not playing this little fucking game with you. I am not some consolation prize you can pick up because Eros got the toy you want to play with.”
“Who the fuck is playing?” I try to keep my voice calm and even. “I want you.”
“You want Athena.” He shoots before turning his back to me and picking up his next set of weights.
“You’re right. I do want Athena. She is beautiful, smart, fiery, and she keeps constantly surprising me, which would be annoying as fuck if I didn’t want her so badly. But what does that have to do with this?”
“I am not a consolation prize.”
“No,” I counter. “You are a hypocrite.”
He drops the weights on the floor and turns towards me. “That is fucking rich coming from you.”
“And why is that?” I say, deciding that I want to fight with him. If we are fighting, we are talking, and I can figure out where he is coming from.
