Page 24 of Beards and Bikinis


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Milo

Still peppering kissing all over my face and neck, Meno bounces with excitement. What felt like an earthquake was, in fact, a skilled trap. The altar has been above the gold all these years, and by gold, I mean eighteenth century pirate gold. Heaps of jewels and coins pour from under what’s left of the platform. In the hole, the walls are lined in ruby, diamonds and sapphires. Gold coins shine in the dirt from the setting sun.

“We don’t have much light left,” I tell her, and we get to work. I grab a few lights from the utility room and some supplies from my truck, and soon, we’re loading it down with actual Spanish treasure. I need to make some calls, now that I can claim which treasure it’s from. Legally anyone can dig here, it’s public property, and closer to the beach, they even encourage kids to dig for Sir Rudolf’s gold, having no idea it has been under the altar the all these years.

Sir Rodulf came to the heart of the island, placing it under the church, where he knew no one would dare dig, leaving it safe for him to return to.

When enough body weight was applied with the key, it set off his unveiling. Two hundred years after he buried it.

“My everything hurts,” Meno says, collapsing into the seat.

“Sounds like your everything needs a message,” I tell her, driving back to my boat.

“We need somewhere safe to store this.”

“Do you know of anywhere? A cave or someplace? We can hide it all over again, like real pirates, until it’s safe.”

“No goof,” I tell her with a bump to her button nose. “I was thinking more like my family’s vacation house. That’s where Robin lives, and there’s tons of security. This is your gold, Meno, but if someone were to take even a piece of it to the right authorities before us, they can still claim it.”

“What are we going to do with it? Because, again, it’s not just mine but ours, and I suspect I can’t go shopping with gold and jewels.”

“No,” I say with a laugh. “We’ll get it officially turned over to a museum, and they’ll pay us.”

“I like that,” she says. “Pay us.”

Shaking my head at her, but loving her sweet nature, I put my foot to the floor and hurry to my sister’s.

I use my garage door opener and secure my truck and treasure inside. Being extra paranoid, we decide to cover the small windows with black garbage bags.

“What in the world are you two doing?” Robin says, coming up behind me and scaring the piss out of me.

“Damn it, Robin,” I say, grasping my chest.

“We found it,” Meno squeals, and then I see the news register on Robin’s face.

“Holy shiitake mushrooms. Are you serious?”

“Yes!” Meno tells her, lifting the tarp to show the glinting metal and shining jewels.

Now, it’s Robin’s turn to squeal in amazement. My head rattles for a moment before I usher them inside.

“Can we take this inside, please. We have a few pressing matters.”

They both nod and hurry inside with me. For hours, we comb the internet for every detail we need for the paperwork, and by the time I’ve submitted, it the girls are asleep on the couch, and it’s midnight.

Carefully, I take my sister up to her room. She barely wakes but mumbles a thank you through her hair that’s tumbled into her face, just like when she was a kid with messy hair and skinned knees. Now she’s a grown woman about to start her family, and I can’t help the pull at my chest at how unfair it is for her to be doing it alone.

Closing the door softly, I go after my fiancée and carry her to the guest bedroom I always stay in. She wakes just enough for me to pull her out of her shorts and get her into my big spare T-shirt. We cuddle into each other, sated and happy, our future looking impossibly brighter.

* * *

The next day, Robin makes us breakfast and promises to look after the treasure while we go check in at Grand Rapids.

“Oh, Mavis, I missed you! And I see you’ve finally warmed up to our Marty.”

I hear Meno from the other room, and after feeding the turtles, I head to her.

“Would you look at that?”

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