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He knew he should, but he did not because despite his cool demeanor and poised affect, underneath he feared the alienation he’d experienced when he was finally honest with parents whose love was, he realized, conditional. As Alice he had been the apple of his parents’ eye. His father had bragged that his daughter was whip smart and tough as nails. His mother had been encouraging when the teenage growth spurt left her daughter towering over her peers. Did Alice realize how lucky she was with her gorgeous eyes and high cheekbones and perfect breasts? She could be a model. But as Alice, Alastair had hated her breasts and had been distressed by the slight swell of her hips, her high voice, her period. As Alice, she’d tried to talk to them, to get them to understand and held out hope that a couple priding themselves as progressives certainly would, but her parents were also political and their daughter was an extension of them: staid, traditional, above reproach. They resisted, changing therapists with dizzying frequency to find one who would give them any diagnosis other than the one he was given, the one they could not—would not—accept.
Strict boarding schools followed where, as Alice, he had his first sexual experience and discovered his dominance with a submissive girl named Eileen. As Alice he became a Dominatrix, haunting underground clubs and eventually moonlighting as a professional. But this left him feeling half complete and only when he began his transition did he finally experience himself for who he was. Alastair, an intellectual, scholarly, dominant man who felt there was one piece missing to complete his life—a Little girl who would call him Daddy.
“Alastair…” A deep voice caught his attention, and he smiled as he looked up to see Derek come into the room. “I see you managed to hold class despite the snow. I could barely keep Sadie inside this morning. You’d think these Littles would get sick of snow, but I’ve never seen a one who didn’t want to get out there and build a snowman even before the last flake hits the ground.”
Alastair gestured toward the window. “Maybe that’s why half my class showed up today. I got emails from several Mommies and Daddies that their Littles were sick, but I suspect if I go out on the lawn, I’ll find some snow angels curiously in the sizes of those who were supposed to be resting indoors.”
“They’ll have no excuse tomorrow. It’s supposed to warm up later today. By morning all that’s left will be white patches under the trees. Last snow of the season, done and done.” He walked over to the desk. “That’s not why I’m here, though. We have a new student coming in, and I’m thinking your class would be a perfect fit.”
“Oh?” Alastair swiveled his chair so that he was facing the Ranch owner.
Her name is Dora. She’s a patient of Dr. Weston’s. He convinced her to come here to the Ranch.”
Alastair furrowed his brow. “I didn’t think he was still seeing outside patients since he became head of behavioral services here.”
“He wasn’t, but apparently, he’d been the only one to break through with Dora and was worried about how easily she’d open up to another therapist. I can’t go into a lot of details due to doctor-patient privileges but from what I gather he called her and was distressed enough to fly her out here yesterday.”
This didn’t surprise Alastair, and he told Derek so. Despite getting off to a rocky start with Cord’s Little Bobbi during his short stint as her teacher, Alastair ended up being close friends with Cord, who’d caught the eye of Derek through his writings on the behavioral management of Littles. Academia had cold-shouldered his work, but Derek recognized the need for scholarly analysis of the relationship dynamic between those who practiced this kind of dominance and submission. As a learned man, Alastair was drawn to Cord’s academic approach and the two men would spend long hours discussing the nuances in Big-Little relationships.
“Dora.” Alastair jotted down her name on the notepad on his desk so he could add it to the ledger. “Is there anything I should know about her?”
“She’s taking a tour of the Ranch right now. You’ll meet her tomorrow. You know about as much as I do now. Cord says we need to go gently with this one and I thought a small class with a strict teacher could provide her with the sense of security she craves.
“I’ll do my best,” Alastair said.
“You always do.” Derek replied with a grin. “Oh, by the way, Singles Day is coming up.” He raised his eyebrows. “There were quite a few young ladies with pink and white wrist bands at the last one who were pretty disappointed that faculty’s most eligible unattached Daddy was a no-show.” He paused then. “And some disappointed young men, too, in case…”
“No, no…” Alastair held up his hand and cleared his throat. “I’m… I prefer girls.”
“Hey, I wasn’t prying…”
“No, it’s okay, Derek. I can understand the curiosity. I know I haven’t shared a whole lot about myself. British reserve and all that, you know.”
“I absolutely understand. We both do.” He looked down at his boots and gave a little laugh. “If you must know, it’s Sadie who put me up to asking you. If there’s one thing those Littles enjoy more than snow angels, it’s getting in the grownups’ business.”
“Well, tell Sadie I’ll think about it. When is it supposed to be?”
“We’re having one in June. It’s going to be lots of fun—a pool party, refreshments, and a whole buffet of potential partners for a Daddy looking for a Little to call his own.”
“Like I said, I’ll think about it,” Alastair said, before changing the conversation to something he knew would get Derek’s mind off all other topics—the new horse recently purchased by the Ranch. It was an Appaloosa, and the Littles at the Ranch were enchanted by its spotted coat. A contest had even been started to name it and competition had been furious. The name Domino won, but instant regret followed when everyone laughingly called the horse Dom.
After Derek left, Alastair sat in the dark office and wondered why he’d let another opportunity pass to tell the truth. That Derek thought he was gay just meant there was still a great deal of speculation about his lack of a personal life. And should it surprise him? When he was hired, he told both Derek and Sadie his fondest wish was to find love and his seeming lack of interest likely puzzled them.
The weight of his secret grew heavier by the day. It was time to lift that burden. He opened his planner and jotted down, “Talk to Cord” on his to-do list.
Chapter 3
Because Dora had arrived late in the evening, she’d only seen the main house. But that morning she stared in disbelief from the window of her cozy room to see barns, buildings, and fenced pastures decorating the snowy landscape. The sun had come out, making everything bright and brilliant, but she could tell by the way the water dripped from the roof that it was already warming up.
She pressed her forehead and right hand against the windowpane, her exhaled breath fogging the glass. As she wiped it away, she heard the sound of distant hooves and watched as a ranch hand opened a gate and five blanketed horses rushed into a pasture toward a metal feeder holding a huge round bale of hay.
A knock on the door drew her attention. She answered and a pretty young blonde-haired woman came in with a tray.
“Breakfast!” she said cheerily and took off the dome top to reveal steel-cut oatmeal topped with brown sugar and berries, Canadian bacon, a boiled egg in an egg cup, buttered toast, juice, and coffee. “If this isn’t to your liking, I can get you something else.”
“Oh, no. This is fine!” Dora said. “Thank you so much.”
“I’ve been asked to tell you to be in the lobby in an hour for your tour.” She smiled. “Are you excited?”
