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“Please don’t hate me,” I beg, as a broken sob follows my words. “I didn’t plan for this.”
Kai’s frown deepens as he searches my face for the answer. “Okay…what didn’t you plan?”
“I’m pregnant.”
His blue eyes widen and I feel his whole body go slack in shock. He doesn’t remove his hold from me, but I can see the wheels in his head spin over and over again as he cements down the information into making sense.
“I’m sorry,” I continue in a ramble. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m on birth control. I can show you. I’ve always taken my pills faithfully. I have an alarm set just in case I get distracted, and it explains why I haven’t been feeling well and I’ve been sleeping a lot, but—”
“Molly—”
“I’m not trying to lock you down,” I profess. “I know you don’t want to get married again, and that you didn’t want any more kids, but this wasn’t an attempt to screw you over. I don’t want kids. I never planned to have them like this. I’m not old enough to have kids.”
“You’re twenty-five.”
“I’m notoldenough to have kids. I don’t have a Pinterest board for this shit. I don’t have names picked out. I wanted to travel first and see some of the world outside of California before I even considered it. Maybe Montana, so I could go spend some time in the wilderness and say I did it. I wanted to see the Atlantic Ocean.”
“You still can.”
“Ican’t. This kid is going to suck the life out of me. I see moms lose their shit on a daily basis on TikTok. They literally live, breathe, and function for their kids.”
“I know.”
“See. Why would you want to do that again? You don’t. I don’t envy you with two daughters. I mean…I love them, they’re great. But you don’t have to change their diapers and feed them bottles at one in the morning.”
“That’s not always—”
“I’m notoldenough to have kids,” I restate. “And I don’t want anything from you. I don’t want money and I don’t want you to buy anything for it. I can do it all. I also don’t need you to be with me anymore. I mean, you weren’t officially before, but we can stop that. There’s no need for you to feel obligated to be with me just because I’m pregnant with your kid.”
“Molly—”
“Just don’t hate me, okay? I think that’s the thought that’s been bothering me the most. I don’t want you to look at me like you do Olivia.”
Kai’s face skews before I exhale, my energy is sucked out of me, and I think it might be the little peanut of the baby that’s doing it to me too.
“You’re fucking nuts,” he replies solemnly, and all I can do is just listen to him because, again, out of energy and breath. “Do you think I’d give you up because you’re having my baby?”
Uhh…
“Yes.”
His mouth crashes into mine in the next second, stealing the last bit of oxygen from my lungs as his fingers rake through my hair to control the kiss. Kai’s other hand instantly presses on the base of my spine as a million and one electrical currents run through my body all at the same time. His tongue glides across the seam of my lips and I immediately open for him.
His touch is the only thing I can concentrate on because it instantly consumes me…it calms the havoc ripping through my brain because I’m not okay.
I’m terrified.
I’ve never been scared of the future until right now. Now that there’s another life involved and it’s completely under my care. I don’t have my own place anymore, my lease ran up last month. I don’t have a million dollars in savings and I feel as though that’s what you need in order to have a child. I know nothing about being pregnant—what to eat, what not to eat, how to change a diaper, what school I should enroll him or her in—what if I’m no good at being a parent?
“Molly,” Kai whispers against my lips. “Stop.” I shift in his hold, and I wish I could just shut my brain off. “I’m not leaving you. This changes nothing—”
“It changeseverything,” I clip back, brushing my forehead against his nose. “We’re not…normal.”
“Did you want to be?”
I don’t even know what that is. However, I do know that we’re not labeled as anything, but what am I supposed to do? Move in? How are we going to tell Bria and Lark? I’m not their mother. I don’t want them to feel inferior because a new child is being brought into the world that’s their father’s.
“You have to talk to me,” he emits softly. “I’m still shell-shocked…I didn’t expect this. But I’m not going to abandon you and I sure as fuck am not going to leave the baby. I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”
