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“Tell me about this travel companion of yours?” She arched her brow, but not in a suspicious way. There was an element of concern in the way her expression softened and her grip around me relaxed.
However, thinking of the weekend split my heart right in half once more. “Holden was a special kind of companion.”
“How so?” She motioned for me to sit on the bed as she grabbed a chair.
Without hesitation, I unloaded all the details, except the intimate ones. High school, what he’d been through, the growing attraction, and sadly, how he was predestined to another.
“It sounds like he really is a special someone.” A small, pained smirk teased her lips. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
“It was never going to happen – he’s 100% unattainable. It’s like someone doesn’t want me to be happy.” I cast my gaze to the heavens, although I didn’t really believe in all that. There had been no God who saved me, or helped me, or prevented me from finding inner peace and all that mumbo-jumbo.
I ran my hand over the edge of the suitcase, peering in at the items I still had to unpack. I tipped my head to the side and stared, blinking repeatedly at the slight sparkle in the bottom of the luggage. Pushing the socks aside, I saw it – the speckled rock Holden had picked out while we were at the Enchanted Garden, where we had our first kiss.
“What’s that?” Amber asked, inching her chair closer.
“Holden’s rock.” I sagged into the bed and gripped it in my palm, bringing it close to my chest. “He picked it out to add it to his collection. Every meaningful place he stops at, he finds a special rock or pebble, something tangible to hold onto and remember.”
“Wouldn’t a picture be better?”
“We have those too.” But I wondered if he didn’t delete his, erasing the trip, and therefore me, from his existence.
“Wonder why he gave you the rock?”
I shook my head, not knowing the answer myself. Perhaps another way to wipe away the weekend? Whatever his reasoning, and I knew there had to be one, I placed his rock upon my dresser and added mine beside it. I wasn’t sure what else to do.
Chapter Fifteen
The crackle and pop of the fire, along with the gentle roar from the ocean waves slapping against the shore, brought forth a peace in a way I’d never found back east. Being surrounded by people I now considered friends, made the first six weeks go by in a flash and made the nights less lonely. Calling Cheshire Bay home became a heartfelt statement.
The gang, as Amber affectionately called them, were all here. Lily, Eric, Cedar, Mitch, Jesse, and Mona. The only one missing was Antonio, who was set to arrive for a visit later in the month. Even the babies were present. Although, with the sun having set, they were snuggled into the playpens in the house just fifty feet away sleeping peacefully if the baby monitor resting on the cooler at Cedar’s feet was any indication.
I grabbed my steaming mug of tea, a local concoction of dehydrated apples and vanilla, and scanned my circle of friends, all laughing and having a good time. Those who chose to drink were nursing their beers while one of the ladies joined me in solidarity with drinking something non-alcoholic. However, I knew the real reason – she was nurturing the life growing inside her body and hadn’t yet announced the news.
Having made the conscious choice to remove alcohol from my life, it was a daily battle working in Amber’s Ale. I was told by my new therapist, from that conflict I drew my greatest strength. I wasn’t an alcoholic, as I didn’t crave the drink or the feeling, I just made too many bad choices when I drank. The easiest fix was to eliminate it completely.
I pulled my legs under me and covered my lap in a heavy blanket, staving off the cool October ocean breeze. My phone pinged with an incoming text, and I quickly pulled it free of my hoodie pocket to see who it was from. Deep down, I harboured hope one of my Toronto friends would message, but after six weeks, it hadn’t happened. Not once, and it was hard to let that go. Tonight’s message was not from one of them, but from Holden.
Although my heart skipped a beat at seeing his name on the display, the logical part of me knew better than to react like a hormonal teenage girl. Holden was betrothed to another by now, and I needed to force my heart get over that.
The skies are gorgeous. And if you look to the east, just above the horizon, that bright “star” you see is no star. It’s Jupiter – the largest planet in our solar system. You should see it in a telescope. It’s breathtaking.
Of course, I had to see thisbreathtakingsight for myself and searched the skies. There, hovering behind Lily and Eric’s place, was Jupiter, its glow nearly as bright as the moon.
I texted back my thanks and tucked my phone away. Our texts had remained pretty one-sided.
Amber raised an eyebrow.
“Holden.” I took a sip of my tea and stared at the red-hot coals.
“And?” Ever the eternal optimist, she always hung out a fairytale-like hope – how he’d give up his family and come running to me. It was a foolish idea that only manifested because her own relationship was the product of a dream come true. Antonio worked in Greece, most of the time, but he always managed to come to Cheshire Bay, to see his love, for a few days every month.
I tore my focus away from the heat of the fire and gazed upon the bright star, wondering if Holden was looking at it right now too.
“Did he say anything important?”
“He mentioned where Jupiter was.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders sagged.
