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“And where is it?” Mitch asked. He was sitting beside me.
I pointed it out and listened to my friends take in my every word on the few astronomy facts I’d picked up in science class recently. Who knew they’d be interested in something I had to share, even if I had just learned it myself? It was a new feeling to get used to.
I pulled out my phone and sent a message to Holden, telling him I was suddenly a big hit with my friends, and they were all intrigued.
I’ll point out other neat celestial bodieswhen I visit, came his reply, and I closed out of the app without responding. A visit was a form of torture for which I wasn’t prepared.
“Guys can be so obtuse, am I right?” Lily was watching me carefully. “They don’t get it when you tell them it’s over. It’s like they got to rub salt in the wounds.”
“Hey,” Eric, her husband, said as he passed her a beer.
“I wasn’t talking about you, and you know it.” She cupped his cheek in such an intimate way, I turned away.
The gang all knew about my adventure to the island, and of Holden’s upcoming nuptials. Slowly, with each bonfire, I had shared a little more about myself, readying for them to ignore me or stop inviting me out. They never did. In fact, the invites grew to include lunches with the ladies, and a spa date once.
“Holden still wants to be friends, and I can’t handle that.” There, I’d said it and as I did, a wave of relief washed over me. It felt good to let it out.
“Why? Isn’t it better to be friends than nothing at all?” Jesse walked by and grabbed a homemade cookie from the tray I’d set out.
“Not to me. It’s just a constant reminder of what I can’t have.” Just thinking about it was a dull knife tearing at my heart. “It sounds selfish and doesn’t make me a good friend, but I want him to be mine. An unrequited love as friends doesn’t work. Not for me. I don’t want to be there, listening to his woes or his joys about the woman in his life. And before you go and say something else, I am happy for him that he has that someone. I just wish I was that someone.”
“Oh, Iris, I can totally understand.” Mona spoke from across the flaming bonfire. “Even though I was over the moon for my friends, I stopped going to their baby showers because I couldn’t handle the ache of seeing all the newborns, knowing I’d never have my own baby to grow and nurture.”
Jesse, her fiancé, squeezed her knee.
She winked and refocused back on me. “It’s so hard. You got to do what works to heal your heart. And if that means putting distance between you, then that’s what you do.”
“Thank you.”
“We’re all here for you.” Mona sent a warm smile in my direction.
“You have no idea what that means to me.” I glanced between the flickers of flames to look at my friends.
It was time to move on, and as Mona said, put some distance between Holden and me. But how? How do I say goodbye to the one person I’d felt the deepest connection with?
All I knew was this was going to be more painful than the few days I’d spent alone in the hospital.
Chapter Sixteen
After wiping off the bar for the fiftieth time today, I folded the towel into four and set it to the side. I’d easily adapted to my new role as barkeep and server, under Amber’s tutelage, and if I were honest, it was probably the best job I’d had, alcohol issues aside. I got to socialize and meet the townsfolk, who were as warm and welcoming as I’d been led to believe. The ocean view off the back of the bar was to die for, and somehow, I’d effortlessly become one of the gang, hanging out on Eric and Lily’s beach and playing with the baby and toddlers. It was as if my destiny had been here all along.
The only thing missing was Holden, and as the days stretched out into weeks, that dull ache never fully diminished. Every morning before I walked downstairs to the bar, I’d unwrap the rock I’d held tightly in my hands overnight, and replay that incredible weekend, wondering if there was anything I should’ve said and done. The more I thought about our time together, the more I missed it. It was a vicious cycle I couldn’t break, but mainly because I just didn’t want to.
Holden had texted a couple of times more since the Jupiter night, asking how things were, and I’d reply with a canned response offine.I couldn’t give him more, even if I wanted to. He wasn’t mine, and he wasn’t up for grabs.
“You in deep thought.” Antonio broke through my haze as he waved a hand in front of my face.
I blinked to bring the packed pub back into focus, surveying the space for possible new guests. None were present.
Looking over at the handsome guy, I broke into a weak smile. “Just reminiscing.”
“Good things come from memory. Maybe dream come true.”
I scoffed. Maybe. For the rich, like he was. His story with Amber was a fairytale, one that not everyone was lucky to have. However, seeing them together, planning their upcoming wedding, they truly were two pieces of a puzzle matched perfectly, and I couldn’t be happier for them.
Amber walked in from the back room, passing out papers to myself and a couple of coworkers. “Next month’s schedule.”
I stared at December’s postings. Amber had been generous with the shifts, but not over the top. Even though I had free room and board, I was still expected to pay my way for food and expenses, and she gave me more than enough hours to do that plus re-build my savings. Truly, I was beyond grateful.
