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“No, no one wants a repeat of those days. Unless…hmm.” Tapping my fingers against the desk, I cocked my head. “I am still a bit sad that I didn’t get to push you into the lake at our parents’ wedding. Can we pretend to hate each other and then re-enact that scene, but this time you actually end up in the water?”
“You’re a dick,” he said softly.
“You’re a wanker,” I said back, just as soft.
“Are you gonna be at home for dinner later?”
I shook my head and then remembered he couldn’t see me. “No, I don’t have time. I’m staying at work until six today, so I can take tomorrow off, then they want me to help set up at the club tonight. I won’t have enough time to go home in between.”
“Oh.” There was silence for a moment, broken by the low murmur of voices around him. “We could meet if you want to and grab some food. I don’t really feel like having dinner on my own with my dad and your mum.”
It wasn’t wise, given that we’d decided to stay apart for a second time, not to mention that I was feeling the L-word towards him, but I wasn’t known for my wise decisions. I loved him, and I wanted to spend time with him. I’d take whatever he’d give me. There was nothing wrong with spending time with each other as friends, was there?
29
The little coffee shop in the Aldgate area of London was nothing special. One of many. Seated next to a window on a squashy, cracked leather sofa in the corner of the shop, with Cole opposite me, I picked at my ham-and-cheese toastie. Rain pattered against the window, and every now and then, a bus would pass by outside, sending a cascade of water over the pavement. It was so good to see Cole. He looked hot as fuck, as usual, and he was asking all the right questions about uni, and the band, and life in general, knowing instinctively when to back off or change the subject. I’d never known anyone who could read me as well as he did, especially lately.
“Tom said something about the band booking a music venue. He was waiting to hear back from the promoter?”
Swallowing a bite of my toastie, I nodded. “Yeah. The Frog and Fiddle. It’s a pub-slash-club that has a dedicated space for live music. One of the guys that books the bands was apparently at our gig the other day—they were saying they try to get in on the local talent before anyone else discovers them. He was interested, but we have to audition at the club, as well as send them our videos.”
“Huh. I wonder why?” Cole’s brows pulled together, and for some reason, I had to resist the sudden, strong urge to kiss him.
“Maybe they want to hear how we sound in their venue? I don’t know, but Tom was excited when they contacted him because although it’s a small venue, they have a really good reputation in the local music scene. Or so he says.”
“Once they see you perform, there’s no way they’ll turn you down.” Biting into his meatball sub, Cole met my gaze, his eyes sparkling. Once he’d finished chewing, he continued. “I’m really happy this is working out for you. It’s weird how quickly things can change over one summer, isn’t it?”
“Weird. Yeah.”
“Weird, but good, I mean.” He shot me a grin. “For both of us.” His grin disappeared, and he leaned forwards in his seat, staring at me from beneath his thick lashes. I was faced with those fucking pretty eyes that haunted me in my dreams. “I wouldn’t change anything, Hux. Not even the fighting. Definitely not anything that came after that. Even though things between us didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, I want you to know that I don’t have any regrets about you and me.”
There was a sudden lump in my throat, and I had to clear my throat a few times to dislodge it. “Me neither.”
When he gave me another smile that was so fucking bittersweet, misery radiating from him so strongly that I wondered how I could’ve missed it before now, I choked up all over again. It was obvious to me now that he’d been putting on a brave face, but he was hurting.Iwas hurting him. And myself. Yeah, there were some circumstances beyond our control, but at the end of the day, the two people at the centre of this situation were me and him, and we needed to do what was right forus, not for everyone else.
As I sat there, my gaze locked with his, the realisation crept up on me, until it felt like my entire body was overtaken with it. I felt as if I was vibrating out of my skin.
Right there, on a rainy Tuesday afternoon in a little coffee shop in Aldgate, I took a deep breath and welcomed the knowledge for the first time, letting myself believe what I’d tried to deny.
Now, somehow, I had to make Cole realise it. It wouldn’t be enough to say the words. Our relationship had been messed up from the beginning, and it would take more than a few lines from me for him to believe how strong my feelings were.
I needed something more.
The problem was I’d never done anything like this before. I was the fuck-up—the kid that had always been in trouble at school, a disappointment to my parents, the person who’d made his new stepbrother feel so fucking unwelcome the second I’d laid eyes on him. Fuck. Who would even want me? Was it even worth trying?
With a shaky exhale, I tore my gaze away from Cole’s, taking a sip of my coffee to hide my trembling lip.
“Huxley.” Cole’s voice was so quiet and so gentle. “Never forget just how amazing you are, okay?”
How did he know exactly what to say?
I couldn’t reply. Memories filled my mind. My dad sitting me down and telling me that he’d managed to get me onto the foundation course at uni, his face full of cautious hope. Tom, Curtis, and Rob the first time we all played together and the euphoria that came from being so in tune with one another. My dad and June saying they were proud of me after the 2Bit Princes’ gig. Cole taking care of me after my accident, even though we hated each other. Cole carefully bandaging my body. Cole flirting with me. Cole telling Tom how talented I was. Cole kissing me. Cole watching me play. Cole supporting me. Every. Fucking. Step of the way.
Cole. Cole.Cole.
I’d reached my breaking point, and I was done.I’d probably reached it way before this point, but denial was strong, especially when I was letting myself drown in outside pressure. But enough was enough. Now the blinkers had been torn away, and I could see properly. Now, I was prepared to deal with our parents, no matter what they thought. Even if they were disgusted by our relationship, I’d deal with the fallout and do my best to protect Cole.
I loved him.
