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As though the pastor could read her thoughts, he said, “We have a tendency to think to ourselves ‘if’ this or ‘if’ that. In other words, I’ll be humble. I’ll be a servant. I’ll serve, I’ll put myself under, but then expect other people to do the same for us. When it doesn’t happen, we take ourselves out of that humble position, and either walk away, or demand that the other person reciprocate the behavior that we performed.”
The pastor leaned back in his chair, and it rocked slowly. “Jesus did not do that. He never demanded that his disciples be as humble as he was. He was always willing to be the most humble. And he never rubbed it in. If you look at his life, he never once, not one time, held up the trump card and said, ‘I’m the son of God, so you need to fill in the blank here,’ did he?” The pastor looked at both of them, and they slowly shook their heads.
Mabel didn’t know what James was thinking, but she definitely knew the pastor had hit on something that she absolutely could work on. Because, while she didn’t have a problem being humble, she did expect people to be humble in return.
Maybe Lark had spoiled her a little bit.
“That’s our goal. To be humble, without expecting it in return. Of course, that’s the goal in the Christian life in general, isn’t it? To love without being loved in return, to be kind without having someone be kind to us in return, to act the way God wants us to act, no matter how the people around us are acting. In my opinion, humility is especially hard for me to achieve when others around me are acting wrong.”
The pastor pressed his lips together, and then he continued, “Humility apologizes first. Humility admits that you’re wrong, even when you feel the other person is just as wrong as you are, humility doesn’t need credit for your work, humility allows you to step back and let someone else who maybe doesn’t deserve it step forward. Humility allows you to work for someone else’s glory and not your own. Humility is happy when others succeed and does not resent their success.”
The pastor looked down at his Bible before he looked back up. “I can tell you guys this, but know that I am also preaching to myself. This is something I struggle with. I don’t want to be the only one admitting that I’m wrong. And if I do, I want credit for it. I want to know people notice. I want to know that my wife notices. I want her to appreciate me and compliment me, I want her to make me look good when we go places.”
His smile was sheepish but sincere, and Mabel admired him for admitting to his weakness.
“I suppose you can boil humility down to the fact that you put others first. That’s being humble. But you can take it so much further. Because you can still put others first while grabbing attention for yourself. Or you can serve others and then make sure that everyone around you knows it.”
He smiled and chuckled just a little. “It always amazes me how God perfectly set up a woman to become exactly what He wants. After all, children do not give you credit for what you do. They don’t thank you for getting up in the middle of the night and changing their diaper and feeding them. They don’t appreciate the fact that you’ve cleaned up the mess that they made every day for the last five years. They don’t give you credit for anything that they accomplish; they like to think they did it on their own. They don’t remember that Mom taught them to talk, to walk, and made sure they got up and went to school every day.” He lifted his brows. “And you two are bringing children into your home. That’s going to be quite an adjustment and is going to be an exercise in humility from both of you, because neither one of you is going to be able to do what you’re used to being able to do. And neither one of you is going to get the credit that you deserve.”
Mabel realized that from her small experience over the winter with the children. They didn’t typically thank her, although she had the feeling that they were slightly more appreciative than normal kids might be, since they knew what it was like to be completely neglected. As she understood it, before their mother had gone to jail, they had been alone in the house more often than not.
Still, she appreciated what the pastor was saying and figured that if she were able to be humble, no matter what happened, her marriage would work.
Even if a spouse cheated, it took humility to be able to forgive and to put that behind them.
She wasn’t sure whether she had quite that much humility, but anything up to that point, to forgive, to look past the hurt and disappointments, that all required humility.
“All right, do either of you have any questions?” the pastor said, sniffing the air appreciatively.
Beside her, she felt the swing shake a little as James laughed. She was sure he was doing the same thing, sniffing the air and thinking about chicken.
“I appreciate the reminder. I definitely could use it,” Mabel said, which made the pastor smile.
“I didn’t even go into that. How being able to take correction with a smile, with gratefulness, is a sign of humility. And being able to surrender our will to someone else’s, whether it’s the Lord, or our spouse, by giving up our way and picking up someone else’s way without complaining, is a great sign of humility.”
“It’s something I struggle with as well,” James agreed. “A good reminder, and one that I kept thinking would really be beneficial to our marriage. After all, if we are both humble, there’s hardly any way we wouldn’t get along.”
Mabel nodded, and the pastor opened his mouth to say something, but Carol appeared at the door.
“I hope you guys are hungry. Supper’s ready.”
“I’m starving,” the pastor said, not exactly jumping out of his chair but moving a little quicker than he had when he sat down.
Mabel had to admit she was moving faster too, and James’s arm around her, although it felt just as heavy and just as good, didn’t seem to slow them down quite as much as it had before.
Of course, maybe they were getting used to hobbling around together, but food had a way of inspiring a person to find a way to move a little faster.
The pastor went in first, and James tightened his grip on her shoulders, squeezing her to him and leaning his head down.
“He didn’t scare you out of making a commitment to me, did he?” he asked, his words close to her ear and sending a shiver down through her body.
“No. On the contrary, it made me more eager to get started. I like a good challenge, and being humble is definitely a challenge.”
“I’ll agree with that. Although, you don’t really strike me as someone who has a lot of trouble staying humble.”
“I like to do things my way. I like to set my own course, and I’m rather independent. I suppose, that’s not exactly pride, but it definitely makes being humble, submitting myself to someone else’s thoughts and ideas, a lot harder.”
“Well, I’m not going to demand that you do what I want you to do. In fact, I was really hoping that I could let go of the reins of my business and stay out here full-time. I... I had never considered being a dad before, but I guess that idea has been kind of nipping at the edges of my thoughts all day.”
