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Reeva nodded slowly. She’d seen it happen to enough of her clients. For one of them, a £10 million divorce settlement hadn’t been enough—and Reeva had agreed with her. It was all relative.
“That night I was shouting at him to leave his job and do something better paid. Leela came up in the conversation somehow... Yes, he saidshesupported him, so why couldn’t I? I made a nastycomment about her. And her, uh, relationship.” Saraswati picked up a teaspoon to stir her tea, resolutely not meeting Reeva’s eyes. “I’m not proud of it, Reeva. But Hemant, well, he started shouting. And that’s when...”
“When what? What happened?”
“Well...” Saraswati sighed loudly. “We always tried to keep our fights away from you girls. But we couldn’t keep them from you, Reeva, because you’d always turn up, trying to fix everything.” She looked frankly at her daughter. “I hated it—I wished you’d stay away like your sisters.”
“I wasfive!”
Saraswati nodded quickly. “Yes, that’swhyI hated it—you were so tiny and precious, and it made my heart break to see you turn up, your little face all damp with tears. I couldn’t bear it! What we were doing to you!”
Reeva looked down at her chai, fighting a strong urge to cry. She was starting to understand what Satya Auntie meant about having compassion for herself. “So, I turned up that night? Trying to fix your fight?”
“Yes. You... you turned up on the landing, holding that silly black cat of yours. Catty.”
“Katie?”
“No, you named it Catty. Because it was a cat. It wasn’t the most original name; I always worried you wouldn’t get any of my creative genes.” Saraswati’s face cleared and she smiled brightly. “But at least you got my brains! Unlike your sisters. I have no idea why Sita felt the need to quit her job to be a full-time mum.Inever felt the need.”
“Okay. So, I was holding Catty and...?”
Saraswati’s shoulders slumped slightly, but she continued talking. “You kept trying to get your dad to stop shouting byshowing him Catty. You thought it would cheer him up to stroke her, becauseyouloved stroking her so much. It was bizarre how much you loved that cat. Scrawny little thing, but every time you held it, you came to life.” She sat up straight and laughed. “I was so relieved; we thought you might be on the spectrum, but when you were with the cat, you became almost normal. That’s the only reason I put up with its fur molting everywhere.”
“Right.” Reeva tried to keep her expression neutral. “Could we please get back to what happened on the landing? When you and Dad were arguing?”
Saraswati shifted uncomfortably on her chair. “What is this made of? You need some cushions for the chairs, darling. All right, yes, yes.” She cleared her throat. “So your dad got annoyed when you kept coming up to him with Catty. I tried to gently guide you away, but you wouldn’t leave. And then, Reeva...” Her mum’s voice became tight. Tense. “Your dad, he was gesticulating, waving his hands around, and because he was drunk... he didn’t realize you were still right there... and he accidentally must have pushed you...” She took a deep breath. “And... well... you went flying down the stairs. You crashed into the cabinet at the bottom. You were so small. And so still. I thought you’d died. It was...”
“Oh.” Reeva stared at her mum. She had no words. All this time she’d thought that had happened to the cat. But it had happened toherself.That tiny little Reeva. Her dad had accidentally pushedherdown the stairs. “Oh my god.”
“I know.” Her mum was silent, and then she flung off the shawl impatiently. “But it was all that bloody cat’s fault! Because you were carrying her, you didn’t put your hands out to protect yourself! The doctors said it’s human evolutionary reflex; we’re trained to think of cats like babies, and so you didn’t drop the catwhen you were holding it on the stairs. You tried to save her life, which meant that you almost died.”
Reeva’s mouth dropped open. “Did it work? Was the cat okay?”
“Of course she was okay!” cried her mum. “Nine lives, remember? We gave her away to our old neighbors.”
Reeva closed her eyes. This was all too much. She couldn’t believe she’d been so upset when she’d thought her dad had killed the cat; the truth was so, so much worse. “But... was I badly hurt?”
Saraswati’s voice dropped so low that Reeva could barely hear her. “Yes. You were in the hospital for a week. They didn’t know if you’d make it. They put you in a coma for a few days.”
“I was in a coma?!”
Saraswati spoke as if in a trance, staring at the middle of the table. “It was horrific. Your dad was beside himself; he kept crying and blaming himself. He was practically suicidal.”
Reeva realized her right hand was shaking and clamped her left hand on top of it. This was more intense than anything she could have imagined. It was even more intense than anythingJayacould have imagined. “But I was okay? Everything was fine?”
“Yes, thank god,” said Saraswati, turning to look at Reeva but still speaking quietly. “The doctors saved you. You had a head injury and internal bleeding. But they did surgery, and you were okay.”
“I had a head injury?” She knew she was just repeating her mum’s words, but she couldn’t stop. Her mind was circling in overdrive. “And surgery?”
Her mum nodded uneasily. “Yes. Trauma.”
A flicker in Reeva’s brain registered the irony of the word.Trauma in all the ways. “Did social services not get involved? I was a textbook case for abuse.”
Her mum winced, then shook herself back to composure before she replied. “Yes. I... was terrified I was going to lose you. All of you. If they’d known the truth, they might have blamed me too. For staying with an alcoholic. There are so many horror stories—I couldn’t risk the truth. Instead, we lied. We said you’d fallen down holding the cat. And... they believed us. We were a respectable middle-class family. You’d gone to Montessori. I had a Chanel handbag. They believed it was all a terrible accident. Which, in a way, it was.”
Reeva closed her eyes. She knew how biased justice could be—especially back then. “I still can’t believe this, Mum. Did anyone else know?”
Her mum shook her head apologetically. “No. But, Reeva, darling, can we leave it here? I’ve told you all I know and... I just can’t talk about it anymore. I can book you in for some sessions with my therapist? You can go over it with her instead of me; she knows everything anyway. She’ll be much better than me!”
