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Emma had the power to destroy me, and she didn’t even know it.
“Of course I want to keep having sex,” she said, then blushed like I wasn’t just balls deep inside her. “What I’m trying to say is, instead of fighting this—” she motioned between us— “or trying to fill our needs with other people, why don’t we just keep having sex.”
“Deal,” I said, smirking at her. “I couldn’t agree more.”
“Okay,” Emma said hesitantly. ” But just sex. Nothing more and we should be just fine.”
This talk with Emma sounded all too familiar, the same line she used on me before we had sex for the first time.
Then it hit me. What if I was in my feelings alone? What if Emma didn’t want to be with me? It was hard to deny that when she’d told me twice, in so many words, that I was fine for sex but not for a relationship.
Not that I could exactly blame her. I turned her down in the past, but we were kids, and I was overwhelmed by my feelings for her back then, just as I was now. I’s assumed we were on the same page, but maybe we weren’t.
Maybe Emma was giving me exactly what I needed, an easy out. I could be with her and be inside her, without having to worry about fucking it up. I could have all the perks and none of the pains.
Nothing about Emma is a pain.
“Is that really what you want?” Then, when I realized my question was giving me away, pointing out that it wasn’t what I really wanted, I said, “I mean do you really think you can keep your feelings separate. I know how…emotional women can get about sex.”
Her face fell and even though my words did what they intended to to—throw her off—I wanted to take them back.
“Yeah,” she said with a laugh. “I’m sure I can do that.” Emma picked up her bag, long ago forgotten by the door.
I hated that I didn’t want her to go. “I have a stipulation to add,” I said.
Emma nodded. “Go on.”
“This is exclusive sex. I won’t see anyone else, and neither will you. If a time comes when you want to start dating, you tell me and this ends.” I had to work at keeping my voice steady, but if she said no, I was screwed.
Instead, relief seemed to wash over Emma’s delicate, beautiful features. Maybe she did want me after all.
“Sounds reasonable,” she replied.
“Should we shake on it?” I asked.
Emma laughed. “After what we just did? I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“Come on,” I cajoled. “Let’s shake on it.”
Still laughing, Emma took my hand in hers. “What a weird deal.” Emma pulled her phone out of her bag and her face fell. Every trace of laughter was replaced by something else. Worry I guess by the way her brow furrowed and her lips pursed.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, wanting to do something to bring her smile back.
“Uh…I have a few texts from my mom. It looks like Lily isn’t feeling well.” She never took her eyes from her phone. “I don’t know why she’s so worried.”
It wasn’t lost on me how quickly the mood shifted. Emma had to be so many things to so many people, but I guessed being Lily’s mom was number one. Just as it should have been.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, unsure of what else to add.
“Thanks,” she said, distracted by whatever was on her phone screen. “I gotta go, Kyle.” She looked at me only briefly before heading out of my office door.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” I called after her, rushing out of my office to follow her. But, she was already halfway down the hall, her phone to her ear.
“Mom?” I heard her say. “What’s going on?”
Emma waved me off over her shoulder, leaving me feeling helpless, making me wonder—for not the first time that day— what good all my money was if no one in my life would let me use it to help them.
Chapter 14
