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After I came home last Friday night, Lily seemed to perk up. Her skin had been pale and lacked her usual warmth. Her sweet blue eyes were dull, and she wasn’t her normal, happy self, but some cuddles and TV time on the couch with Mom seemed to do the trick, until she took a turn for the worse.
When then spent most of the day Saturday in the emergency room. I was being overly cautious, I knew that, but if I wasn’t going to worry about Lily, who would?
Being born premature Lily’s immune system is compromised. Typically, she is a healthy little girl, but sometimes, something comes up.
After a long day of waiting, the doctor finally told has that Lily had a simple virus. We got an IV and some meds to take home, and Lily was on the mend.
Me on the other hand? I was spiraling.
It was completely irrational, I knew that deep down, but I couldn’t leave Lily’s side. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with Kelly, but I didn’t want to leave her with my dad either. I took Monday off work to make sure she was okay and when my mom suggested I run some errands and leave Lily with her, and I only made it two blocks before I panicked and went back home.
At that point, I couldn’t even leave my daughter with my mom.
So, I called Jerry, because of his position with the Beckford Group as head of HR, and asked to take the rest of the week off because of Lily’s medical needs. He didn’t hesitate to grant me leave, informing on of Kyle’s already established generous family medical leave policy.
With work taken care of, I could fully focus on Lily. Who, if I was being honest with myself, was totally back to normal and didn’t require my constant attention. No, me staying home was for me. Thoughts of Lily being sick and needing me while I was busy having sex with Kyle haunted me.
I was too chicken to call Kyle. Jerry assured me he would fill Kyle in on the situation and there was no problem, but still, I felt like I should’ve explained it to him myself.
I didn’t want to blame Kyle for the way I was feeling, I knew it was irrational, but I did, and I knew talking to him only would’ve made it worse. I told myself I just needed more time. I was determined to go back to work Monday, I’d even laid out my clothes already, even though it was Saturday, and I’d been mentally preparing myself.
I watched Lily, babbling along to her favorite song, playing from the TV, and playing with her dolls.
She’s fine,I told myself for the millionth time.
Just then, there was a knock on the door. Lily looked to me, pushing up from the floor all excited. She loved company.
A quick glance through the peephole revealed my mom and Krista. I pulled the door open in a hurry.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing,” they both replied.
Mom immediately scooped up Lily and I noticed her quilted, blue overnight slung over her shoulder. Krista was holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a tan garment bag in the other.
“What’s going on?” I asked, eyebrow raised.
“Well, I know you’ve had a really rough week,” Krista said, making herself at home in my small kitchen while she took two stemless wine glasses from the cupboard. “But I also know that because of how much you love me, you haven’t forgotten about my birthday.” She carefully poured two glasses of pinot.
“I haven’t,” I said a little too forcefully. “Your present is right there.” I pointed to the carefully wrapped present on the small table by the door. I knew Krista birthday was Monday. It was the big three-zero, which mean Monday was also Kyle’s birther, adding a whole other layer of anxiety to returning to work Monday.
“Oh, Emma, I was only kidding,” Krista said, handing me my glass. “It’s just a birthday. But I’m not here to collect my present. Which, I’m really excited about, by the way.” She smiled and I relaxed. “I’m here because last week I decided to put together a little party. Kyle’s always bragging about all his money, I figured why not make turning thirty a big thing?”
I swallowed down a reaction to hearing Kyle’s name. “I like the way you think, Krista. So, when’s the party?”
Yes, I knew her birthday was Monday, and yes, I knew Kyle’s money could make anything happen in any amount of time, but I wasn’t realizing the obvious.
“Tonight,” she said, gulping down her wine.
“Duh,” Mom added from the living room.
“Hey, be nice,” I called back.
Mom laughed. “I am being nice. “I’m going to watch Lily so you can go out and have a great night with Krista. And, I even brought my overnight bag so you can dance till dawn or have a one night stand or do whatever you want.”
“Mom,” I hissed. “Not in front of Lily.”
“Oh, please,” Mom said, smiling hugely at Lily. “She has no idea what I’m talking about.”
